i am having severe pants problems today. well, shorts problems really. i am wearing shorts and for reasons beyond my comprehension the zipper keeps falling down. to compound the issue, i am wearing silkytype underpants so they keeps sliding off my hips. gravity is not my friend today.

how come no one ever thinks about the older sister?
so i am watching “28 days.” it’s that movie with sandra bullock and she’s an alcoholic. it’s pretty good, i dug it. anyway, at one point in the movie her older sister comes to see her. you see, sandra and the sister, their mom was an [...]

i am a big fat liar.
yes, tonight i lied because it was so much easier than telling the truth. well, not easier but less humiliating. whilst scanning my groceries, the cublady said, “you must have kids, my kids love this stuff.” instead of saying no, i smiled and shook my head yes. i thought [...]

sometimes i really wish the company store would stop sending me catalogs. i am paging through the catalog trying to justify to myself spending $800 on a king-size down comforter and a flannel snowman comforter cover. i see it and think how cute i would look all cuddled into that comforter, my nose stuck in [...]

i just want everyone to know that i spent $37.03 at amazon.com and got four books and none of them are for me. i am the best aunt in the whole wide world.

do you ever have one of those days where you just can’t wake up?
that was me all day today. i still feel like i just rolled outta bed and it’s after 10 p.m. i feel like i spent all of last night smoking dope or something. i didn’t, but i have a serious case [...]

so i made it through the wedding shower in one piece. it was tough, but i managed. i don’t see how i can be related to so many people that i have nothing at all in common with. my aunt (prounounced awwnt, and not ant) therese asked me how i liked my new job. i’ve [...]

i don’t know if it’s the ungodliness of this early saturday morning hour, or if i am just getting soft in my old age, but i just made myself cry writing out a card to my sister for the wedding shower i have to go to today. sometimes my sisters make me feel all [...]

jodi’s mom had a heartattack. jodi is my bestfriendinthewholewideworld. all i know is that her mom had a heartattack. i am guessing she’s alive. someone woulda called if she died, wouldn’t they? i hate crap like this. blech. i am going to bed and i will deal with this tomorrow.

it’s after 10 at night and i am cooking. making a pasta salad. i am of the big, chunky vegetable club. it makes the oogy ones (i.e. tomatoes and mushrooms) easier to pick out. i know some people are from the chop-em-up itty bitty club, so they aren’t as tasty. but i’d rather pick [...]

i’ve decided that i am going to beat up everyone who has a “my governor can beat up your governor” bumper sticker.

why is it when people see you reading a book they automatically assume you are studying? the men at the bowling alley were dumbfounded to discover that i read for entertainment, to relax, for the pure joy of reading. they could not believe i was not “studying for college.” as if i ever studied [...]

it’s gonna be stormy all day today. the radio just said so. now playing on zone 105 “the rain king” by counting crows. the song before the news, “like the weather” by 10,000 maniacs. you think they plan this stuff? i am going to go have a turkey sandwich for breakfast.

uff-da! (that’s minnesotan for “holyshit am i beat) what a productive day. laundry, cookies, bloody footprints, naps, 247 words of mindless drive posted. i need to call it a night. mario incandenza and madame psychosis are waiting for me in bed. i think this next week is gonna be hell. i hope i survive. [...]

i believe i have reached the high-point of my musical career. i have created the best mix tape of all time. i know, i know you all thought it’d be impossible to top my rendition of “when the saints go marching in” on the piano. but i have done it.
this was not an [...]