silly little girl
While ingesting my turkey sammich and snickers breakfast this morning, I went over the events of last night in my head. It was not pretty. Last night I sobbed and sobbed myself to sleep. I cried so hard that I had to throw one of the pillows on the floor; it was much too soggy to be of any use.
I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard. Usually, I am good for a few self-pitying tears at least once a week. But this was different. I was the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. My eyes were faucets. I couldn’t stop. I just cried and cried and cried. I even did the whole hu-hu-hu-hu-huh, sounds. For awhile I wasn’t sure I’d ever quit.
Anyway, I am digesting my not-so-wholesome breakfast and remembering the tears from last night. Finally! I have stumbled on the reason I am still single. I hate being needy. Not just hate it, it’s like this all-consuming phobia type thing. whenever I ask for any sort of affection I berate myself endlessly for being weak. It’s really weird, because there isn’t wrong with wanting and asking for affection is there?
Somehow I have decided in my mind that one who needs to ask for affection isn’t worthy of it. Which it totally and utterly retarded. I don’t know where or why I decided that the entire planet should read my mind.
I just don’t get it.
But, today now that the histrionics are over and I can see clearly in the bright light of day, I feel better. I am gonna be ok, darling ones. I am pretty sure of it. I might still have to fight loneliness on occasion, well that’s going to be a given. I can’t give up that nasty habit overnight. But I am gonna try my best not to be so mean to me for wanting things and asking for them.
Remind me of this next time I have a hissy fit, ok??
girl.. it’s TOTALLY fine to ask for affection. Sometimes guys have to be told, “Look jackass, I want some attention over here” or they just don’t get it. So there’s no need to feel bad about being needy.. none at all.
06 Nov 01 at 4:30 pm #