i want to send him an e-mail: two years ago today, do you remember?

but i am chicken and probably won’t send it. as puumba from the lion king put it so succinctly, you gotta put your past in the behind. or something like that. i’ve never been very good with movie quotes. but this one i do remember, hakuna matata. . .it means no worries for the rest of your days. it’s my problem free, philosophy, hakuna matata.

ok, i am not sure where the brief lion king interlude came from, but it’s there and i like it. so anyway, it’s been two years. two years today since i’ve done the most reckless, dangerous and carefree thing i’ve ever done thus far in my life. let’s not forget, stupid, naive and just plain disregard for common sense. what i did was stupid and i don’t regret it for a single moment. no worries, right?

it’s with a tinge of embarrassment and not enough forethought that i share with you this shameless episode from my not-so-distant past. after reading this many of you will probably judge me and that will make me sad. but i can’t worry about that.

it’s time, time for me to tell the story of robert. robert and i “met” in a USENET newsgroup called alt.support.tall. gah, just writing that i blush. this was a newsgroup where people discussed the advantages and disadvantages of being unusually tall. robert is 6′5″ the same height as me. it started out innocently enough. playful chatter on the newsgroup, flirtaeous e-mails back and forth. we had fun, he had quite a way with words.

i was charmed. before it got too far, he confessed that he was married. i was cocky and thought i was oh-so-witty with my one word reply, “so?” he lived on the east coast, i was trapped in the midwest. what harm could there be? our e-mails moved to online chats. we discussed books, movies, is unhappy marriage, the love he had for his daughters, our growing attraction for each other. i don’t think either of us ever thought it would get out of hand. i mean, c’mon we are both intelligent adults. he was a bit more of an adult than me at nearly 50. but we had all that vast country between us, nothing could happen. this was fun and harmless. right?

so april turned into may, turned in june, and my 27th birthday. when robert decided that we couldn’t go on. that i was occupying too much of his time, thought and energy. i was devastated. then, after a few days, he came to his senses and realized that he was addicted to my wonderful, charming personality. can you tell this is leading to no good?

as chance would have it, he had to travel to seattle on business the coming month. he could arrange to have a one night layover in minneapolis if i was willing. if. . . i. . . was. . . willing. . . heck yeah! i said without a moment’s hesitation. so thus began our plans for an illicit, one-night tryst. as the day drew nearer (july 10th, 1999). i started to doubt myself. what was i thinking? a total stranger? a total stranger from the internet? a married total stranger from the internet who is older than my dad? yikes! remember how i said i was dumb, careless, reckless and naive? it wasn’t just dramatic over-generalization.

so july 10th dawns clear and bright. a beautiful, sunshiny, minnesota day. i had to pick robert up at the airport. i was late, of course, and could barely rush to his gate with my heart knocking so loudly and rapidly against my chest. he spied me first. i guess it’s not hard to spot the messy-haired, 6′5″ redhead with the nose ring. he was awestruck and i could tell by the look on his face he was smitten. smitten by this naive, daring, hulk of a girl. he was smitten with me. this man, this 49-year-old smartest man i ever met, was smitten with me. me! all i got out of my mouth was “hi.” before he scooped me up and kissed me. if his arms hadn’t of been around me, i’d have surely fallen to the ground.

we went to gather his luggage and i was silent. he kept staring at me like horns had sprouted from my head. i just blushed madly and wondered what in the hell i was doing. it wasn’t too late to turn back. his constant staring was unnerving. the more he stared the deeper i blushed. “what?” i asked finally, bugging my eyes out at him. “it’s just. . . you,” he said. “you’re beautiful. i can’t believe it’s you and i can look across and your eyes are the same height as mine and lips. . .” *kiss* “so close. . .” *kiss* “to mine. . .” *kiss.* gah!

we piled into trusty ol’ sugar, my 1979 chrysler newport and we tooled off to his hotel in downtown minneapolis. he checked in and we went up to his room. upon shutting the door, he scooped me up and started smooching on me. remember the junior/first date sex debacle?. i think it’s robert who is to blame for making me such a sucker for such nonsense as nipple touching and beautiful calling. we were standing up, smooching away. a novel concept for both of us, being so tall. then he shyly asked to see my superman tattoo. being the brazen hussy that i am i showed him. yeah. so yes, within 2 hours of meeting this man, i was naked on the bed with his head between my legs. not my proudest moment, but one to bring a smile to my face after all this time. wow!

oddly enough, robert and i never had sex that night. while his brain and hands and lips were cheating on his wife, his penis just couldn’t do it. i think i’ll always admire that penis, for being so devoted. there was plenty of sexxy stuff. i think at one point i was topless in front of a window overlooking downtown minneapolis. four, or maybe five orgasms later around 6 a.m. robert and i snuggled into bed and he held me until i fell asleep. we only had one night, robert and i. it was a dream. strolling, through downtown hand and hand. good chinese food and my very first mai tai. bookstores and cheeseburgers. before he left sunday morning to continue his journey to seattle. we stopped the lion’s tap. a little greasy spoon famous for it’s cheeseburgers. i just about died when the waitress recognized me and asked me about how my dad was recovering from his heartattack. only me. only would i be recognized by some random waitress while having lunch with a married man, some random waitress who vaguely knew my parents.

no worries, no regrets. my secret was never discovered. robert is the first man in my life who made me feel adored. i was a princess. i don’t even want to think of all the freudian/psychological implications of having an affair with a man my father’s age. i was enamored with his age, his sophistication and mostly with how smitten he was with me. me. a doofy, 27-year-old booknerd. i mean, c’mon. . . there most be something special about me if i could attract someone as smart as robert. no worries, no regrets.

so today, i will celebrate an anniversary of sorts. not the anniversary of my affair with a married man. not the anniversary of some dirty, stereotypical internet lusthing. nope. today, i will celebrate the anniversary of the day i realized i was an attractive woman.