eight reasons why i’m gonna be a rotten mom:
1. when the electricity went out tonight and i was lighting candles, max grabbed one off the table and lit it off an already lit candle
2. pizza for lunch
3. pizza for dinner
4. when jaycie said she wanted more fruit snacks my response was, “well, people in hell [...]

all choking hazards out of sight? [X]
all masturbatory phallic objects tucked in secret hiding place? [X]
dish of delicious chocolately chocolates on coffee table object to give illusion of being best aunt ever? [X]
all poisionous, yet delicious looking, rarely used cleaning supplies placed higher than four feet? [X]
bedroom clean? [ ]
dirty underpants removed from sightline of [...]

hooey! i just finished experiencing David Lynch’s Mulholland Dr.. yowza. wonderful lynchian madness. he’s got to be the most challenging director ever. nobody makes you work for it the way lynch does. i think that’s why i love him so.

i had the most wretched of dreams last night. i had a dream that some security guard from my apartment building (of which there are no security guards in real life) tried to kill me.
it was the worst. i opened the door because the security guard had knocked on the door, i think i knew [...]

sometimes when the loneliness comes crashing in i don’t think i will be strong enough to stop it from crushing me, leaving me flat and unable to breathe. i try not to panic, but the tears get stuck inside making my throat hurt and then i can never remember what to do.
and it’s hard to [...]

ha!
heather has decided she needs to use the phrase pig fucker more often. i’ve decided that in a past life i must have either been into bestiality or a really randy animal– what with my penchant for phrases like “blows goats” and “sucks giant donkey balls.”
let’s add this to the list of things to [...]

i’ve determined that this slumber party will make me live up to my name of aunt bad lady. the grocery list included:
kool-aid kool bursts (berry blue and tropical punch)
chocolate ice cream
kraft cheese and macaroni
chocolate spoojed oreos
lucky charms fruit snax
trix fruit snax
trix (the cereal)
we’re gonna have SO much fun.

through an interesting series of events, i find myself off from work and no babysitting to do. yay me! what to do with all this free time? here’s the game plan:

get ruby washed
grocery shop for slumber party tomorrow

clean apartment

a simple list. i can do this.

for the first time in my entire life, i am going to ask for a raise. this is not sitting well with my creative, artistic soul. it’s making me feel all dirty all this thinking about and talking about money.
i feel like a hypocrit. well, i am a hypocrit a lot of the time [...]

so i’m watching the bachelor and the more i watch it the angrier i am getting. i am just morally outraged. this whole show is just what disgusts me about dating and women and men and everything in general.
so this fruitcake guy has had to choose between like 25 woman to find his mate. now [...]

i’m not sure where all the words are hiding. i can’t seem to find them. maybe they’ll come out later.
did anyone watch felicity last night?

my sisters like to pick on me. well, we like to pick on each other. my family is unusual. i’m sure you’ve gathered that from the barbecue sauce and porn episodes.
lately i’ve been telling some friends about how my sisters have two goofy nicknames for me. they like to call be bug eyes and [...]

much to my dismay, compulsively tracking my digital camera on the the ups website has not made it arrive any sooner.

i think i might have to transfer my spokesmodel crush. steve from dell is in jeopardy of losing the crush to the “can you hear me now” verizon wireless guy. i think it’s the glasses. i’m a sucker for dark haired boys with black glasses.

ass face has been replaced by some strange creature who decides it’s a good idea to get up at 6:30 in the morning.