sister #3 and her husband, 9 3/4 left the bbq in a huff. she was angry at him. because he wouldn’t jump when she called him. apparently 9 3/4 was inside taking care of the peanut. anyway she got angry, started crying and announced they were leaving. she does this often and it upsets me [...]

my favorite part of the bbbq was sitting in the green room eating dinner with the kidlings (jaycie, 4; max, 3; jack, 5; alex, 7; and ryan, 3). we were watching cinderella 2 and chowing on foodstuffs when i heard, “she shunned her cinderella identity.”
“who said that?”
four fingers suddenly pointed at alex.
“did i say something [...]

my parents called and invited me to sunday brunch. this totally threw me for a loop, because they never call and invite me to sunday brunch. they’ve been going to the same place for sunday brunch since my dad had his heartattack back in like 1998 and this is the first time they’ve ever invited [...]

i was just eating a bunch of grapes that were supposed to go into the fruitsalad i am bringing to the the big BBQ, the BBBQ if you will. you know, grapes taste nothing at all like grape jelly. why is that?

get into the groove is up over at backwash.

sister #3 and i went out for a late lunch/early dinner. we landed at the olive garden where we were seated behind the dreamiest looking guy i’ve ever witnessed in minnesota, his significant other (an overmade, overtan, underlycute woman), a daughter and his mother. of course, i had to eavesdrop.
“that ronnie milsap,” the mother said, [...]

discoveries from saturday morning’s adventures in cleaning:
5 socks of indeterminate cleanliness in the kitchen
fast food nation in the microwave
‘gilded cage’ nailpolish under the fridge
yeah, and that’s just the kitchen. the rest of the rooms are relatively unmessy. which is a delightful change of pace.

hypothetically speaking, if you were a really cool person and you e-mailed some lameass loser (like me) and they didn’t respond to your e-mail for like 495 years, would you still want them to reply even if the reply was totally and utterly tardy (not retarded, though that really might be the case)?

since it’s been roughly 17 years since all my CDs have been gathered in one place, i put them all away. then, since the cd rack is completely full, i counted. 316. that’s a lot, probably too many. since my resolution went the way of the dodo, i haven’t been listening to them all. maybe [...]

i’ve finally decided where to go with the trip i won. i’m going to graceland, graceland in memphis tennessee. sometime in october.

finally! real, live proof that i was cute once. granted it was a very long time ago, but it still happened.

i really need a new hobby. i’ve masturbated so much in the past few days that i’m afraid i will either use up my orgasm quota or something really important to me is going to fall off from overuse.

i’ve spent most of the morning listening to the replacements. it’s making me feel all goofy, schmoopy, young and hopeful. the extended PMS-period isn’t helping matters either, i’m sure. if it hadn’t been like 842 days since i last had sex with a partner, i might be worried. but if i were pregnant now, the [...]

this is the problem with spending the night masturbating and napping. yes, this right here. . . awake at 2:25am with nothing you want to do. i mean there is plenty i could do: dishes, watch my movies, dust, put away laundry. but who in the hell does that stuff at 2:30 in the morning? [...]

i spent my thursday night being a totally unproductive slacker. well, i guess it might really depend on what you call slacker. i will blame it on david lynch and fantasies about orange haired boys.
you see, i had full intentions of lazing about on the couch and watching David Lynch’s “Wild at Heart.” but watching [...]