I am a fat girl.
It began right when I burst onto the scene, 29 years ago weighing in at over 9 pounds. My mom, to my horror, is quite fond of telling the story of how when she first laid eyes on me she said, “my god, she’s a moose.” it’s been downhill since then.
Being [...]

since i’ve never done it before, i decided this year would be a good year to see what one can find at one of those after christmas sales.
here’s what you can find:
crowds
annoying ladies spending entirely too much time contemplating 50% off wrapping paper
annoying old ladies discussing the sacrilegiousness of blue wrapping paper
annoying young ladies with [...]

so it was christmas eve and the whole fam was gathered in parentland. danny (my mom’s twin brother), his wife janice, their son billy. kevin and anna, sister #3, tony, the peanut, mom, dad, grammu, joey, jenni and their three boys.
we’re all settled in and most everyone has just finished dinner– except me, because [...]

well, i’m off to parentland. i’m hoping the sister club arrive earlier than later. they’re all off doing things with the in-laws and what not. so i’m left alone to fend for myself with the extended fam. tomorrow is our day. the day where we hang out and open presents and play games. but to [...]

i want you all to join me in wishing my beloved sister #2 a happy happy birthday.

so i had a dream about phish. this in and of itself is kind of odd considering i’m not a real phish fan at all. i’m not a jam band sort of fan at all. so anyway, i had a dream about phish (which my fingers automatically want to spell fish).
so in my dream [...]

i’ve got the lonely christmas eve eve blues. i don’t know why. just sorta blue.
i’m avoiding sleep, because i’ve been plagued by wretched nightmares the past two nights. plus, i’m a little worried that i really am gonna die in three weeks and i don’t want to die. i’m not ready yet. there’s so [...]

ok, who wants to come over and help me clean my apartment?
also, the radio seems to playing nothing but the clash.
and, i went to the grocery store and it seems most of the entire state of minnesota had to go to the grocery store this morning.
one more thing, chocolate milk is good.

Clash star Joe Strummer dies - Dec. 23, 2002. this bums me out to no end.

if i don’t get to open a present soon i might burst. the worst part is there’s a giant box full of gifts for me. but the outlaw says i can’t open them until christmas.
gah!

yeah, so i just downloaded a wilco singing a cover of big star’s “thirteen.” do you have any idea how close to having an orgasm i am because of this?
now only if there were a westerberg cover. . .

what does it mean when you dream about your own death?
i dreamt i was at the doctor for something and she told me i’d be dead in three weeks. of course, the dream is bugging the shit out of me today.
i also dreamt that i interviewed tom hanks and tom cruise and they were both [...]

i was delicately dabbing glitter glue on a white snowflake when all hell broke loose.
“aunt jodi,” jaycie said, “you’re snowflake is prettier than mine.”
“i know because i’m a better snowflake maker,” i said saucily.
“that’s it,” she said pushing her snowflake away from her, “i’m outta here.”
then she stood up from the table and marched away [...]

lois, the 50something receptionist, stopped me in the hall as i was ambling to my desk with my first diet coke of the day.
“how do you get your hair to stick out like that,” she asked, tugging at the back of her hair as if to simulate sticky-outty hair.
“i don’t do anything, it’s just natural,” [...]

when i confessed to virgina my dirty little secret about trying to read all the Pulitzer Prize Winners for Literature, she didn’t even laugh. not even smirk. she totally understood, and that’s why i love her.