because i am an evil music pirater, i’ve downloaded the entire new Liz Phair CD. it took me an entire week, but got them all. also, i’ve pre-ordered it from amazon too. i’m a pathetic liz phair junkie. i blame it on meathead and the memories involved with getting my first tattoo.
anyway, it’s pretty [...]

my very good pal joots has been published in the summer issue of Taddle Creek Magazine, which is out now. you should get it to read her story. also, according to joots, “Get a copy just to see the wonderful illustrations by Ian Phillips. There are breasts!!! Two sets of ‘em!!! Now you gotta get [...]

so as you know, this is a festive time of year for the sister club. . . what with me and sister #4’s birthday a mere SEVEN days away and all.
so, i finished the shopping for the best friend and moved on the most difficult person on earth to buy for, sister #4. she’s got [...]

i just ordered my best friend’s birthday gifts. i’d show you what i got her, but today might be the day she decides to read iwilldare.com and i don’t want to spoil the surprise. i did really good this year.
poor kari has the distinct misfortune of being born on june 5th– the day before me. [...]

do you realize that i don’t have to work today?
do you realize that in mere hours sister #3 will live a mile away from me?
do you realize that i’m a natural beauty?
do you realize there are only SEVEN DAYS until my birthday?

sister #2 makes an utterly wonderful point about the new tax cut.

on the fifth day of jodi my too incredibly generous and kind and beautiful and lovely true love gave to me the autobiography box.
heather, i am stunned by your generosity.

quick, someone tell me that i am a desirable, funny, smart and kind. that i’m wanted by men and that anyone who i am interested in who isn’t smart enough to return that interest is a damn fool. tell me that it’s ok to feel that sudden sharp pain in my heart.
tell me five good [...]

on the fourth day of jodi my true love sent to me a super groovy sailor moon doll.

me: i don’t drink coffee
keith: how do you wake up? cold shower? tea? diet coke? tai chi?
me: my natural effervescence wakes me up.
keith: wow! You mean your bubbly personality just bounces you out of bed and guides you to work in the morning?
me: yes, of course, that’s exactly what i meant. sheesh, i’m fucking [...]

are you in a tizzy wondering what to get the internet’s sweetheart (that’s me, bucko) for her birthday (which is a mere 10 days away)?
well, worry no more. i want this. i want it more than i want matt dillion, chocolate, sex and a new paul westerberg cd combined.
really, i do!

“aha! victory is mine,” i said.
“who are you talking to?” john said.
“my desk.”
“why?”
“because this paper was hiding and i found it. therefore victory is mine.”
“yeah, you need to go back on vacation . . . red.”
see, it’s really a riot to make fun of the girl with the ronald mcdonald hair. actually, he didn’t even [...]

sometimes i think that maybe Screenwriter’s Blues might be one of the 10 best songs ever written (right after i will dare).
which songs would make your list? i’m going to go back and think about this one for a bit.
also, there are only 10 DAYS left until my birthday. you’d better hurry!

i don’t know what i’m so surprised. one of the reasons i love Liz Phair so much is that she’s just so out there. she sings about sex that not only sounds so sexxy, but so real. it’s like she’s not ashamed of anything. i envy that. i want to be like her when i [...]

the kennedys played football, we play kickball.