Jul 17 2003
an argument
last night the TTHM and i were arguing about things.
“you don’t understand, i’m the girl that cannot be loved.”
“i understand that you think that.”
“it’s true.”
“your i will dare readers seem to think differently.”
“sure they like me. they get to choose when they deal with my bratty, irrational, moody, bitchiness. choosing to read about it and experiencing it live in person are different. if they had to actually live with me and the bitchy, irrational, bratty moodiness, they’d hate me too!”
“i think they’ll disagree.”
“i think you’re wrong. they would never like me if they had to actually meet me and deal with me.”
“ask them.”
so i did.
TTHM is a smart, smart man because he’s correct.
17 Jul 03 at 9:38 am #no, see, wendy, this is where you agree with me because women stick together and all that, remember?
17 Jul 03 at 9:40 am #you’re right. i forgot! i hate you.
17 Jul 03 at 9:53 am #can I chime in to say, “I have absolutely nothing to say”?
17 Jul 03 at 9:57 am #I think that if I met you I would like you. I can’t say for sure, because I only have what you write here to go on. But, from what I’ve read here over the past, what, two years, I think we’d get along swimmingly.
17 Jul 03 at 10:00 am #i am almost exactly like what you read here only more so. just ask the TTHM or anyone else whose had the extreme misfortune of meeting me.
17 Jul 03 at 10:12 am #sorry, jodi, i’ve met you in person and i have agree with the TTHM!
17 Jul 03 at 10:12 am #andrea, please see the agreeing with me and sticking together comment addressed to wendy above, it works for you too!
17 Jul 03 at 10:14 am #Frankly, Jodi, having that conversation with the TTHM has its head up its butt. If some guy said that to ME, (”I’m not lovable,” “are too,” “am not”, “oh…OK.”) I would turn & run.
BUT (har har) I have to tell you how you became part of my weekend! My sis HB and my road buddy Hoolya and I were driving to the Woody Guthrie Free Folk Festival in Okemah, OK (9 hours), and we began to “review” different performers to pass the time…
And I said that one guy “blows goats”, which I got from you. HB and Hoolya never heard that before & they went into spasms of uncontrollable laughter. And for the rest of the weekend, that became our common cry…”he blows goat.” We discussed — the number of goats, the severity of the charges, etc. etc., and at some point I told them all about Jodi in MN.
Were your ears burning? Or itching, or whatever they’re supposed to do???
17 Jul 03 at 10:15 am #I don’t have to state my position on this matter, do I? You already know. Or, at least, you should.
17 Jul 03 at 11:02 am #Jodi, why do you spend so much time trying to convince people who obviously DO like you, not to like you? I don’t get it. ::shakes head, shrugs shoulders::
17 Jul 03 at 11:05 am #jodi, i am sticking with you. just not in the way you want me to. so there.
17 Jul 03 at 11:07 am #dara, you aren’t supposed to make me think.
17 Jul 03 at 11:09 am #Jodi. If I were to write down everything I have running through my mind, I wouldn’t get to work at all today, so I’ll make it to-the-point and be completely honest with you;
You are capable of being loved.
You are loved.
You are capable of being liked.
You are liked.
TTHM is a lucky man, and you’re a lucky woman who’s own “survival” compulsion of self-destructing a good relationship is only a self-fulfilling prophecy that serves no purpose than to fuel your fear of abandonment. The proof that you’re tragically wrong about your “lovableness” is that TTHM actually sat and discussed this at length with you instead of walking away muttering things under his breath.
You want to be loved? Tell the Jodi that is fucking things up to shut the hell up: You’re not protecting yourself; You’re making this fail. Even if he doesn’t turn out to be the man you’ll have a gazillion kids with, he won’t rip your heart to pieces if it isn’t “meant to be”. But if he is your One, then you’re doing yourself a grave disservice by letting the “nobody-loves-me” Droopy-esque Jodi even exist. Say goodbye to her, then let your heart open to the possibilities.
17 Jul 03 at 11:43 am #Yeah, what Thomas said!!!
17 Jul 03 at 12:12 pm #Ditto to Thomas & Dara.
17 Jul 03 at 12:30 pm #“if they had to actually live with me and the bitchy, irrational, bratty moodiness, they’d hate me too!”
HA! If that was true, I’d hate my wife. Come to think of it, I’d hate every woman I ever met.
Fortunately, men have a built-in mechanism for dealing with bitchy, irrational, bratty moodiness. We’re completely clueless and usually don’t notice.
17 Jul 03 at 12:42 pm #i hate being one of those “yeah, what he said” sorts, but i have to agree with thomas here.
Who knows where the road will take you, stop worrying and enjoy the trip.
17 Jul 03 at 12:57 pm #– Henry David Thoreau
Yeah! What I said.
(Sticks his tongue out at Jodi) Nyah-nyah!
(grin)
17 Jul 03 at 1:03 pm #I am with Thomas on this one.
17 Jul 03 at 1:42 pm #I’ve never met you, so I can’t answer the question.
17 Jul 03 at 3:22 pm #you’re far too smart to ask such a stupid question.
but, being one of those smart girls who also believes such a stupid thing about herself, i shall say: i love you mostly because you’re flawed, just like me.
17 Jul 03 at 4:30 pm #You know how I feel about you, or at least if you are as smart as your writing tells me and others you are, you should know. I even thought about moving because of you…I hate snow, but if there was a chance…I could have gotten used to it…sugarplum.
17 Jul 03 at 6:29 pm #Jodi, we come here nearly every day (many of us) to read about your life. On one hand you say none of us would even like you if we ‘knew’ you, and on the other hand you say in life you are true to what you write here. I believe that. We read about how you ache for someone to share your life and a lot of us identify with it and ache along with you.
You have someone here who wants to spend time with you. He’s trying to tell you you’re capable of being loved – by saying that he’s saying he thinks he is capable of loving you himself (maybe not this second but at some point). It confuses me no end why you seem hell-bent on driving him away. I understand deep rooted insecurities because I have them myself, but the constant need from a person for reaffirmation makes people tired.
So yeah, what Thomas said, far more eloquently than I *grin*
17 Jul 03 at 10:08 pm #TTHM knows what he’s talking about. Quit arguing.
18 Jul 03 at 12:49 am #I don’t feel particularly lovable, either. (Thomas fusses at me, too) And it’s hard to push that aside when someone comes along and shows interest. So easy to just give in and think, “oh he’s like the rest, he won’t stay, he won’t love me either.”
Although, deep down, I think you know you are lovable and capable of being loved. Otherwise, why even bother taking the chance with TTHN or anyone else?
I’m taking my own chance at the end of the month. (Mine is flying in from Norway, of all places!) I keep trying to convince him that I’m not the lovely person he thinks I am. It’s not really a battle I want to win, though.
So, I vote with TTHM. I think you’re a remarkably lovable person, and if he does, too… LET HIM!
18 Jul 03 at 1:24 am #I reread that psycho-babble Thomas wrote a few times. He’s a pretty smart guy.
The Tall Handsome Man sounds pretty smart too. He’s also a good listener. The problem is you’re not listening. Sometimes, when someone pays you a compliment it’s ok to just shut up and say “Thank You” and accept that the compliment payor is just in their praise. Every time you do it, it will be that much easier to do the next time and pretty soon it will start to sink in that you are a likeable/lovable individual.
Besides, it’s rude to tell someone they’re wrong all the time. People don’t like it.
Really, try it. The next time he pays you a compliment just shut yer yap and say “Thanks” and think to yourself “He’s right, I do deserve praise.” Can you do that for me?
18 Jul 03 at 6:46 am #girl, you need to get over yourself and realize that you’re setting yourself up for failure here. why are you always trying to convince yourself that you’re not good enough when, in reality, you’re the one who should say, “fuck you. i AM good enough. in fact, i’m more than that.” come on, dude…you’re a grown up now and you have all these people behind you telling you that you’re wonderful and i think it’s about time you stopped flapping your god damn lips and listened to them for once.
and i say that all with “great gobs” of respect, because i used to be just like you. i used to think i was unloveable, unfuckable, undateable, unlikeable and every other un(whatever)able too. and i sed to thik that someone else loving me would fix all of that. the only one who can convince you that you’re not any of that is YOU. now get moving, because this TTHM guys seems like a good fella, and i want you to stop writing all these self loathing entries and start talking about how you and the TTHM sat in bed all weekend picking out names for your kids.
18 Jul 03 at 2:37 pm #You should definitely watch Good Will Hunting. “You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you’ve met she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.”
18 Jul 03 at 4:39 pm #You should definitely watch Good Will Hunting. “You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you’ve met she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.”
18 Jul 03 at 4:40 pm #I wholeheartedly agree with what magicvixen says, Jodi. Except for that ‘all weekend picking out names for your kids’ part.
You are grown up now.
18 Jul 03 at 10:45 pm #