number of books extracted from bed and surrounding area: 7
number of issues of the new yorker extracted from aforementioned area: 3
number of book jackets inexplicably and inextractably wedged between bed frame and bed post: 1
number of expletives uttered during unwedging process: 36
number of expletives uttered upon hearing the tear of paper as book jacket becomes [...]

ever since i finished The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (which i received from my secret santa allison), i find that i’m talking to myself in the voice of a 15-year-old autistic british boy. which i suppose in my world is really the mark of a well-written, engaging character. i don’t do [...]

as i embark on a post-holiday cleansing of my apartment i am forced to ponder new year’s resolutions. and here’s mine: “as god and you are my witness my apartment will never be this messy again.” i swear. this ridiculous and even making me kind of sick.
how an one person and two cats make such [...]

i’m supposed to be cleaning the apartment. instead, i’m watching the clerks animated series DVD i got for christmas and playing with my newest toy. see, yesterday in a fit of anger, i went out and bought a new domain. i love the name, but now i’m wondering if it’s such a good idea. because, [...]

well, that’s over. one more night of hell (new year’s eve) to get through and this interminable holiday season will be over.
it wasn’t so bad. batering for candy was fun.
“i got a nestle caramel treasure here, what’ll you give me for it?”
“i got three rolos.”
“i’ll give you two butterfinger bells.”
“how about a krackle?”
“deal.”
the rest was [...]

“hi,” jaycie said when i picked up the phone.
“hello,” i said puzzled as to why she’s calling me when she’s supposed to be at ‘grandma in the brown house’s’ house.
“merry christmas it’s my mom’s birthday.”
“merry christmas, tell your mom she’s almost old.”
“mom you’re almost old. aunt bad lady said.”
“cece [sister #3] didn’t have her baby [...]

this is what happens when you go to the target on christmas eve without combing your hair:
you run into your arch-nemesis from college and he, of course, spots you right away. probably because you’re wearing one brown sock and one black sock and a pair of entirely unsuitable for minnesota winter brown flippy flop shoes. [...]

sisters #2 and #4 along with stink and the kidlings are in wisconsin visiting relatives (the stink’s) and friends (sister #4’s), leaving sister #2 and i to shape some sort of christmasy type event with tony, cade, and my dad (mamala has to work). neither of us are so good at this.
“what should we eat,” [...]

because jess is my friend she got me a heap of cool stuff for christmas (a cute frame, book, calendar) and because she absolutely adores me and knows me well she got me a big ol’ bag of nestle creamy caramel treasures. now that’s what i call a friend. she got me something i’d never, [...]

i woke up at 6:30 this morning in a state of panic. i think i was having an anxiety dream about work, but i can’t really remember now. so, instead of going back to bed, i came into work. i just have to remember to breathe. there’s just so much to do i’m overwhelmed. plus, [...]

“cade broke my computer,” sister #3 said as soon as i picked up the phone.
“how?”
“he somehow managed to put the taskbar over on the right and i’ve spent all afternoon trying to get it back on the bottom.”
“right click and unlock the taskbar.”
“it is unlocked.”
“ok, now click in the middle on the taskbar but not [...]

only one more day of work, and then i’m going to spend the next five days not even thinking about that place. i just really, really need a break. i’m in second-round of edits for the book and i’m looking at some of the copy and wondering what the hell i was thinking. it’s very [...]

i really, really should have taken this week off. what was i thinking?
also, i have st. paul westerberg’s “crackle and drag” on repeat in my head. it’s everything i can do not to bust out with “her hair was dirty and she was 30 in 1963. . . “

things learned while at family christmas event #1 (the first in a three part series):
1. it’s really funny when your aunt janis falls over in her chair and nearly knocks over the christmas tree
2. relatives who pick favorites suck
3. just because they’re related doesn’t mean you have to like them
4. a bottle of wine makes [...]

last night i watched Peggy Sue Got Married, while the movie was cute, it was more than a little ruined by my knowledge of time travel which comes mostly from Back to the Future. because, the whole time peggy sue is prancing around 1960 trying to break up with her husband, i just kept thinking [...]