as is our tradition, yesterday after dinner and before doing the dishes, we drew names for christmas. before the official drawing of the names we had the Official Store Debate. for those of you playing along at home, every year we draw the name of the person we have to get a christmas gift for. to make things more fun (because they were totally boring before), we also draw a store where you have to buy the gift.

because nothing we do in our family is complete without some sort of tears shed, we have to debate the stores that go into the drawing. it’s actually quite fun for the sane portion of the sister club. we poo-pooed target, best buy, and offixe max, and pier one. we ushered into the drawing ebay, walgreens, and barnes & noble (which is a come from behind victory for me, since last year it was totally and unfairly nixed).

anyway, as we were brainstorming store ideas, sister #3 or #2 suggested fantasy gifts. fantasy gifts is a sex toy shop in burnsville, not far from the bowling alley. we hooted and hollered, and cracked jokes that were most crude. mostly because my sisters are dirty, dirty whores.

“great, just one more thing to remind me that i’m alone,” sister #4 said.
“then you need it more than anyone,” sister #3 said.

i just laughed and laughed, because dude, i could totally use a new vibrator.

but then things went horribly wrong. sister #4 started crying. “this is the whole reason that jose and i are not together. i don’t need this kind of reminder on christmas.”

we all fell silent. after about 38 minutes of awkward silence sister #2 suggested that if someone drew sister #4 and fantasy gifts they could redraw. that seemed to placate her. and, since karma is a fucking funny wench, sister #4 drew sister #3’s name and fantasy gifts. ha!

when a majority of the family filed downstairs to smoke, sister #3 and i quietly bitched about the tantrum.

“so since she and jose had sex problems we can never talk about sex again?” i asked.
“no kidding,” sister #3 said, standing up and humping the air in front of her. “she needs to get over herself. now get the damn christmas spirit and go buy me a dildo, man.”