so i’ve had this pathetic e-crush for like 94 years on a fellow westernerd. we all know that e-crushes are a close relative of a regular crush, but not quite the same. while regular crushes might seem dramatic, they’re like dinner theater. e-crushes are like desperate housewives or some other weird drama show i don’t ever watch but is kinda dramatic and super racy.

e-crushes burn with a white-hot intensity that can only be fueled by imagination and total psychosis. i think that’s why i dig them. they combine my two favorite things, freaking out over nothing and creativity.

anyway, it was my e-crush’s birthday a bit ago and i told him that i’d send him a super groovy mix CD. this is proving entirely more difficult than i had expected. i throw together mixes for non-crushy westernerds all the time with hardly a thought. but now, suddenly, this seemingly simple act is fraught with danger and double entendre.

i started throwing tracks into a playlist with reckless abandon. Liz Phair’s “Polyester Bride” and the iTunes original, kick-ass acoustic version of “Why Can’t I?” plus i had to put on some New Pornographer’s

but then my next impulse was to add “Love Love Love” by the Mountain Goats and “Such Great Heights” by the Postal Service. that’s when i stopped dead and started to think.

everyone knows there is no room for thinking when it comes to having a crush.

that’s where the mix CD ended. three songs and i was stuck. and now it’s quite a bit past his birthday, and i still have stage fright.

i started again tonight, having gotten a rave review on my Monkeyshines disc from, well, Monkey (another westernerd). i enlisted the help of Wolfdogg who turned out to be no help at all, suggesting such things as “FNT” or “Singing in My Sleep” by Semisonic, “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” by the Jayhawks, and one other one i can’t think of now, but was probably like “I Want You, Come Fuck Me and Be My Boyfriend (I’m Totally Not Kidding Remix)” by The Desperate Old Spinsters.

okay, to be honest, he was a little bit of help throwing out “Meg Ryan” by Self and the eels cover of “I Can Never Take the Place of You Man.”

but i’m still stuck.

so far the track list reads like this:
Why Can’t I? (iTunes Originals Version), Liz Phair
Polyester Bride, Liz Phair
Letter From an Occupant, The New Pornographers
Miracle Drug , AC Newman
Your Misfortune, Mike Doughty
Meg Ryan, Self
I Can Never Take The Place Of Your Man, Eels
To Destruction, Dolorean (oh, shut up, i know it’s obvious)
Buddha Rhubarb Butter, Soul Coughing
Minneapolis, that dog