Googling under the influence of slow, sappy Wilco songs can be hazardous to your mental health
There comes a time in the night after being awake for so many hours (insomnia can suck my left one) when your computer should just automatically turn off because nothing good could come from anything that you’re gonna do. Nothing.
For some reason I decided at about midnight it would be a good idea to Google every guy I’ve ever slept with, and a few of the ones I wanted to sleep with. This is never, ever a good idea. Not ever.
And yet, I did it. I Googled wantonly with lust in my heart. Now I’m sitting here lonely, horny, and depressed. I think we need another word for horny that isn’t aroused. Because horny is just so unclassy, and I’m a classy dame.
What was I thinking? I Googled them all. ALL OF THEM. Well, except Gross Guy because I can’t remember his last name. I think I’ve blocked that from my memory.
Obviously my life has been going too swimmingly because I decided all on my own that it’d be a good idea to see if I could check up on every man that broke my heart. I’ve only been the heartbreaker once, and I still can’t talk about it.
Why? Was I hoping to find out that they had all started blogs lamenting their lives and how they let the one perfect 6′5″ girl get away? Did I want them to all be happy and moved on and living a life I want?
It’s become absolutely clear to me that I do not do enough drugs. If I were high or drunk maybe I’d have found something to occupy my over-active mind, something other then Google.
Because now I’ve leveled myself. I’m pining for every jerkwad I ever let touch me, and worse than that, I’m back to wondering what in the hell my problem is. I generally try to ignore my singlehood and lack of a romantic life. I figure if I don’t think about it, it can’t bother me. Out of sight, out of mind or some such bullshit.
A lot of times I think I might be the stupidest woman to ever trod the Internet.
Tags: Loneliness, Relationships
Posted on Sat, 23 December 2006 at 1:13 am
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Knowing the mental can of worms (and I am convinced my brain is made of worms) it would open, I refuse to let myself view my ex’s MySpace account. I know he posts picutres, and I just can’t expose my fragile psyche to his new life — not just the girls, but the music and books and everything else that sums up the new him minus me.
23 Dec 06 at 9:49 am #“(insomnia can suck my left one)”
Can I have the right one?
23 Dec 06 at 10:25 pm #Well, it is currently up for grabs. . . ha! I slay me.
24 Dec 06 at 12:38 am #[...] You see, Saturday night I had myself a little panic attack. I was still pretty raw from my wanton Googling escapade. One minute I was bent over blow drying my hair and the next I’m sitting on the edge of the tub, head on my knees, crying — full-on freak out mode. I was preparing myself to go down to see The Grad’s band play. But suddenly there was a weird hole in the time-space continuum and I was 22 again. [...]
25 Dec 06 at 10:59 am #