First of all the Software Man just walked by to tell me that I look hungover and that I should go in the mothers’ room and take a nap. I told him, “You might as well have just said Chromey you look like complete shit.”
“Well, it’s not complete shit,” he responded.
To make up for the [...]

A treatsie in defense of ass shaking and how Modest Mouse makes butts happy
How writing about your fears, putting them on paper (pixels?) is the most theraputic thing you can do and makes you feel much better about how your clock isn’t really ticking and things will work out just the way they are supposed [...]

Last week one of my friends told me he/she is expecting a new baby. No names, unfortunately, because he/she is not ready to divulge such information. I, of course, am so excited that I want to shout it from the rooftops.
Today my much-missed coworker Maria brought in her two-month-old twin boys, Hunter and Noah. [...]

Happy Town, The Replacements (it’s ironic)
Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song, BJ Thomas
Come On! Feel The Illinoise!: Part I: The World’s Columbian Exposition/Part II: Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream, Sufjan Stevens
Makin’ Whoopee, Frank Sinatra

In a word, things have been really quite heavy in the land of the Supregenius. However, I am happy to report that at least for me things have gotten infintely better.
There are stories I would like to tell you, darling ones. Stories that thrill, titillate, and intrigue. They are not my stories. Even disguised [...]

Woman cannot survive on Starburst jellybeans alone. However, I am giving it my best shot.

If you were sitting around wondering what kind of gift you could buy me,to make me happy, I could go for this Threadless t-shirt. Because I am a robot.

Today I have goals, which is unusual because generally I have no goals.

Listen to “Sky Blue Sky” until I can determine if it blows or rocks (in a quiet, gentle way)
Keep myself from clawing through my abdomen so that I can remove my uterus with my bare hands

I did not make any claim that [...]

The Sloppy Joe Bowling Tournament is no more. Never again will I serve Manwich Sloppy Joes with Bud Light at 9 on a Saturday morning. I’m not quite sure what to say about it all.

Darling, We’ll Always Have Minneapolis/St. Paul

Dear World,
When you say, “Gee you look tired.” That is not what I hear. What I hear is:
“You look like so much stink that I can actually see the stink lines emanating from your stinky, stinky body. You are not pretty. In fact you are generally ugly and you should try to get some beauty [...]

There are lots of things I will tell you about last night, if I ever fully wake up and can completely open my eyes. This time will come, however, it is not right now.
Right now is for grunting at co-workers and listening to Lloyd Cole’s “Are You Ready to Be Heartbroken?” on repeat. But [...]

Dear Anya, Anka, but definitely not Anna or Hannah,
My mom called me about 10 o’clock last night. She called to tell me how you called down at the bowling alley, saying you were a friend of Jodi’s and that I’d know who you were. You offered very kind of condolences about the closing of the [...]

Did you know you’re not supposed to take pictures of the flash at tattoo parlors? They’re afraid that you’re gonna steal the designs and then take them to another shop to get inked. FFJ and I learned this only after I had taken the picture. So if you decide that you too simply must have [...]

Idolator’s live blog of the RnR Hall of Fame ceremony is pretty damn hilarious.