You don’t know tall: The perils of being a 6′5″ single woman
So Buzzfeed’s got a piece up on tall women dating short men. I’ve wasted most of the morning reading the posts and accompanying comments. A few of may favorites? Not wanting to date shorter men is sexist, Jezebel comments where all these 5′10″ women are talking about how hard it is to find taller men, and the Guardian piece where the author admits that 5′10″, while tall, isn’t freakishly tall.
As a member of the freakishly tall female clan (6′5″ in my bare feet), I find all this endlessly fascinating. While I understand what the 5′10″ shorties mean when they say they just want a tall hunk of a man to curl into, I can’t help but snort in derision. It’s so snotty, I know. But come on, are the six-foot men really that hard to find? Every guy I know claims to be 6 feet tall (which makes me anywhere from 6′5″ to 7′2″ depending on the man).
I have always, always, always, always dated men shorter than me. I don’t have a choice really, there aren’t a lot of men taller than me. Plus, growing up a taller woman was never that weird. My mom is 5′10″ and on his best days my dad might reach 5′7″.
So it was never weird to date shorter guys. In fact, I never even dated someone taller than me until I was in my late, late 20s. I discovered two things:
1.) Height cannot be the only thing you have in common, sadly
2.) It’s weird dating someone taller. I’m used to being the tallest person in the room no matter where I go. Always. So when I’m around someone taller than me I have this constant feeling that someone is reading my newspaper over my shoulder. It’s disconcerting.
While I would like to sit up here on my high horse, I cannot deny that I have rejected men for being too short. I am not comfortable dating a man who is close to a foot shorter than me. Is that sexist? Perhaps, but I don’t care.
That being said, dating a shorter man has more to do with the individual guy then some arbitrary number. I’ve been with 5′10″ men who have made me feel like the most attractive, beautiful creature to ever walk the earth, and I’ve been with 6′7″ men who have made me feel like pond scum. I’ve realized, much too late in life, that the way he makes me feel is much more important then what people might think when they see us together.
So why don’t we see more tall women with shorter men? I think it all comes down to self confidence. Shorter men don’t approach tall women because they are sure they will be rejected, tall women don’t approach short men for the same reason.
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Comments (20)
Peabo // Sep 07 07 at 3:34 pmMan, I took issue with that chick’s comment in the first paragraph. Not dating a guy because he’s short isn’t ’sexist.’ It has nothing to do with his sex. Heightist, maybe. But if she’s going to criticize, she should at least criticize with the right label.
Jodi // Sep 07 07 at 3:37 pmI think it was a Dude who wrote that one, but you’re right it’s not sexist.
I was once called a racist for not wanting to date a shorter man.
UH // Sep 07 07 at 4:47 pmI never got to date anyone taller than me, as I am also 6′5″. I would totally have dated a tall chick, though, as long as she had a nice rack. A guy has to have his priorities.
Jodi // Sep 07 07 at 4:51 pmOh, I know what you mean. I’d totally date a midget if he had a GIANT penis. We girls have priorities too.
UH // Sep 07 07 at 5:14 pmOf course, giant to a midget is pretty much just normal to anyone else.
shokkou // Sep 07 07 at 6:06 pm… imagining a midget with a schlong that would look giant to a 6′5″ woman. *snort!* bwahahaha!
JSkunk // Sep 09 07 at 10:30 pmI think the punchline is 10 lbs, 2 ounces.
JSkunk // Sep 09 07 at 10:37 pmBTW, your comments about how you feel rather than what others think are touching and sweet.
vill // Oct 10 07 at 11:17 amI have a great relationship with a 6ft woman, I am 5ft3.we have been dating for about 3 months now,in getting to know each other, we both came to the realization , that height doesnt matter and for us it is in fact , the only thing we do not have in common.The one thing a shorter man has to have in dating a tall woman is confidance, and a sense of humor, it helps when you have to ask for a kiss , because you cant reach that high.
Natalia // Oct 28 07 at 10:48 amHello! Just stumbled over this entry of yours while researching Sophie Dahl, and all I have to say is - preach it! I’m only 5′8″ and I’ve continuously felt weird and awkward about being “tall,” and you know, this is the time to start getting over that.
Your post made me realize that it’s really all about confidence. I honestly wonder how many potentially good relationships never saw the light of day because of “ZOMG, he’s short!”
I’m just glad that I was able to get over that, in part, when I met my boyfriend - who’s a few inches shorter. In fact, I think I’ll be writing an essay about all of this. I might contact you for an interview you at some point.
monceau // Dec 16 07 at 3:26 pmI’m a relatively short man (5′8″) and have always wanted to date a taller, sophosticated and well-built woman (6 feet and up), but have not been successful finding such a partner as yet, anyone here?
Jodi // Dec 16 07 at 3:34 pmGood luck on your quest. I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t a dating site or a personals site or a place to find sophisticated, well-built 6 feet and up women.
It’s just me, crude, tall, and poorly built.
andreas // Jan 05 08 at 9:03 pmI am a man of middle haight 1.78 cm (5.10ft),and I have a problem….I always could have almost every girl of my heihgt and less,but never a taller one…only once i had a relationship with a girl that was 1.83 and i liked it very much cause I appreciate and like tall women…so if there’s any tall woman interested,
plzz contact me through msn or e-mail…my id is andreasN.Kosmos@hotmail.com
that’s for now…kisses…!
Steve // Jan 21 08 at 7:26 pmWell, 6′5″ Single Woman, you’ve essentially realized the key of going beyond what society says people should want in one another. That key is how the guy makes you feel feminine, smart, sexy, secure, and appreciated. The “5′10″ shorties” to which you refer don’t yet realize that they are fooling themselves thinking a guy needs to be taller to make them feel protected when it’s really their true desire to feel EMOTIONALLY secure and protected. I am 5′2″ and from the moment I notice a tall gorgeous girl from across the room, I see her smile, blush, and melt in the most feminine way.
Jay // Mar 24 08 at 4:51 pmJust wondering how this topic came up. As a tall male, the only time I can think that height makes a difference to me is on the dance floor. There’s a lot more about personal compatibility than height. The tragic implication of your experience with the tall ones who treated you like pond scum tells me you already know this. Nonetheless, not all males of the relatively taller category treat their dates that way, and some of us actually treat them well.
Alex // Apr 11 08 at 10:07 amI just wanted to add it’s all about confidence I’m 5,6-5,7 at most and last week I found out that a woman I work with…actually has a had a crush on me…she is 6,3 beautiful and simply wicked…she stepped up and asked me out because she figured I would never have asked her for fear rejection. (she was right didn’t think I had a chance in h-ll) So all I have to say is there are some tall women who will date a shorter man….but my fellow short men you need to be confident in yourself!!! It all starts there.
Em // Apr 13 08 at 8:25 pmWow I can absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. I’m 6′4″ and never dated a guy taller than me. My current partner is about 5″10. It’s absolutely fine, not a problem, except that I sometimes get upset by other people’s comments. People ask him if he has to stand on a box to kiss me. Random people on the street feel they have the right to shout out “She’s too tall for you!”. People are so cruel and rude sometimes.
Paul // May 08 08 at 12:46 pmNice to read sensible comments for a change! I’m 5′5 and regretably turned down a lass I fancied in my teens because she was about 6′2. I regretfully bottled it because of what others might think. Now I’ve grown up (lol, in my outlook on life etc that is)Im more than pleased to say that fate has thrown us together again after some 20 yrs and I am proud to be reunited with my tall girlfriend.So to hell with what others might think,e know better! We have a fantastic thing together and height difference is certainly no longer a concern. Good on ya 6′5 babe.
Andy // May 14 08 at 5:08 pmI’m a pretty short guy (5′8″ on a normal day, maybe 5′9″ if I sleep real well) and I’ve been told that this is “average height” which is a gigantic load of bull. Nearly every where I go I can spot easily hundreds of people that are taller than me, and a good deal are ladies. I’ve got a preference for tall ladies, and don’t feel intimidated by taller women at all, but I feel as if I’ve not a chance in hell to get with them.
I’ve got a female friend who’s around 6′2″ and she told me she would never date a man who was more than an inch shorter, which to me, was a fairly progressive stand-point (awfully insecure and shallow, but better than some other things I’ve heard). She obviously never even considered that she’d be hurting my feelings (not that we were dating, but still, way to make me even less emotionally stable). It seems to me that women who are tall only date short men when, in your case, they’ve really got no choice, or, rarely, they aren’t overly shallow. Tall women are insecure because they feel like everyone stares at them, and don’t want to be the freak on display. I would never want to be with someone who feels the need to be that way.
Amazonian babes, listen up, short men are really cool. We treat you right because we will be really grateful just to hold your hand, or be seen with you in public. We’re funny and truly interesting to make up for our lack of sex appeal, and we’ll make you feel like goddesses. You’ve just gotta give us one chance to prove ourselves. Tall men will treat you worse than a short man will. They are spoiled and brash. They will cheat on you and make you feel bad.
The next time a short man asks you out, consider him for a minute. You might just find your next true love.
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