That there doesn’t seem to be any sort of ready-made, easy to eat chocolate in this entire house
This weird lip zit I can’t seem to stop touching
That I have no idea what in the hell Tubular Bells are, nor have I ever seen “The Exorcist”
That I am so tired that I cannot fire back an [...]

Nolan was sitting on my lap, facing me. I was singing “Six Little Ducks” and had just gotten to the “quack quack quaaaaaccckkk” part which is my favorite.
“Why don’t you got any kids?” he asked.
“What?” I said.
“You should have some kids,” he said.
“Did Grandma tell you to ask me that?” My parents’ babysit the tiniest [...]

Liam, Nolan, and I are upstairs in the Fortress of Solitude. I’m finishing up a freelance project that’s due today and they’re using The Joy of Cooking as a motorcycle ramp (right now the alien and the ninja are riding the motorcycle). We’re listening to some music and things are going swell, they’re preoccupied and [...]

She cocks her head to the side and looks up. “Is that. . . Blue Oyster Cult?”
I jump from my chair and lunge for my bag. “Yeah. I changed my ring.”
“To Blue Oyster Cult?”
“Mmmhmm.” I shake my head yes and press the ignore button to make my phone shut up. “It was either that or [...]

Holy crap! It just took me an hour — AN HOUR — to apply for unemployment. That was like the most work I’ve done in months.

I got here a little bit earlier than the rest of the posse so I could spend a little bit of time Writing with a capital W. However, I cannot write because I am too busy listening to the people behind me talking about investors and real estate. Right now the dude of the duo [...]

My friend Aden interviewed me for Overstock.com’s Book Candy blog.

I have to work today. Like do actual work in exchange for actual money. Weird, eh? Of course I haven’t started yet, and I can’t decide if I should put on actual clothes to do actual work in exchange for actual money. My biggest problem though is that Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is on and [...]

I bought “Stink” the first time in the spring of 1996 at the Borders in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. This is odd for two reasons. One, that after searching everywhere in the Twin Cities I found the CD that would complete my Replacements’ collection in Wisconsin. Two, I’m pretty sure the Borders in Eau Claire didn’t [...]

Yesterday in the midst of cleaning the Fortress of Solitude I decided that after nearly fourteen years in hiding that my Sweet Valley High books should come of the dark and take their rightful place on a bookcase. It’s so deliciously nerdy. Every time I catch a glimpse of that shelf out of the corner [...]

It’s a cloudy, snowy day in Minnesota. We won’t bitch about it though that’s really, really hard. Instead we are going to share a bit of joy and stop referring to ourselves in the royal we.
For reasons I won’t get into right now, I am upstairs in the Fortress of Solitude cleaning and rearranging — [...]

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For the April edition of Bookclub Bitches, FFJ and I read I am the Messenger by Markus Zuzak. This is one of those books that I was pretty much enjoying in a kind of mindless way until the very end where it pissed me off so much that it made me totally pick [...]

There is a very friendly cashier at the SuperT in Savage who really loves cats. Sadly though she is allergic. Or her husband is allergic. Someone in the household is allergic, I just can’t quite remember who it is. You would think I could remember since this is not the first time I’ve had this [...]

Dear God/Goddess/Higher Power/Holder of the Infinite Wisdom,
Not only is it bad enough that I know that Kenny Loggins has a son, but now suddenly I care about him. What the hell is wrong with me? Please give me the power to learn to change the channel. My brain will thank you.
Love,
Jodi

This might just be my favorite song off Mike Doughty’s “Golden Delicious.” I love war protest songs.