02.Jun.08 in There is no five

Arguments I have with myself as if I were my own nagging spouse

  • Why do you always leave the cupboard doors open? Are they too heavy for you to close? Too busy to take 0.3 seconds out of your life to just shut the damn door? The next time I slam my head into one of those cupboard doors I am going to march right out here and kick your ass.
  • Leaving your dirty clothes in the bathroom is gross. The laundry room is like half a step away from the bathroom, just throw them in there where they belong. In fact, I think if you worked at it, you could actually throw your dirty clothes into the laundry room without even leaving the bathroom!
  • The bathroom downstairs is for guests, not a mail repository. Why do you have to open all the mail while you use the bathroom, that’s stupid. Can’t you just wait that extra three seconds it takes you to pee to see how much the electricity bill is? Also that box of your new business cards has been sitting on the floor next to the sink in there for like a week. That’s gross.
  • The Rolling Stones? Again? You’ve been listening to them for over two hours. Can’t we listen to something from, oh, I don’t know, this decade?
  • We are not letting one more book into this house until you take care of the other THIRTY-SEVEN that are lying about in a disorganized manner. Do you hear me? I’m not even kidding.
  • Why do you insist on buying those Superhero stamps? Do you like adding extra postage? Do you think anyone even notices if you send them something with a Batman stamp on it? I doubt it. You’re weird.
  • Put your shoes away. Oh is the front closet too messy? Well then clean it up and then put your shoes away.
  • Are you even listening to me?

By Jodi Chromey {46 comments}

This post was tagged with: , ,

46 Comments So Far:

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 3:39pm

i sure do enjoy your writing.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 3:51pm

Are you being sarcastic?

Peabo

June 2nd 2008 - 4:02pm

Oh my god, well, this decides that we can never be roommates since our cabinet doors would never be closed, the downstairs bathroom would turn into the “mailroom” and, well, do we need to talk about books? I think not. And I can beat you on the gross clothing/bathroom–I have a laundry basket *in* the bathroom, but where do the clothes end up? *ahem* In the other sink. I don’t know why. I try not to put them there, but every weekend I find myself digging a week’s worth of assorted clothing off the counter and putting it…in the laundry basket two feet away.
And the shoes…..the walking space between my kitchen and living room is my location place of choice. Just the other day as I picked up TEN shoes from that spot I wondered “why can’t I put them away? WHY?”

shokkou

June 2nd 2008 - 4:43pm

Man. You need to shut that inner nag up and turn up the Stones. Your inner bohemian artiste shouldn’t have to put up with all that b!tching.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 5:06pm

Shokku. you’re probably right. I’ll send the nag over to Peabo’s house sounds like she’s needed over there.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:02pm

someday you’re going to have to learn to take a compliment. that was a wonderful post. you’ve had many wonderful posts. you are a good writer. i enjoy reading your writing. i have for many years. i would enjoy reading even more of your writing if you’d let me. you write well. nifty. spiffy. interesting. bueno. well done you. brilliant.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:07pm

Are you making fun of me?

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:28pm

where’s the darned snark tag?

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:29pm

Are you trying to make me cry? Is that it?

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:41pm

you are so cool.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:42pm

You are making fun of me! Hrmph.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:45pm

and snarky. did i mention snarky?

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:46pm

I can’t argue with snarky, can I?

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:48pm

i think you have proven you can argue with just about anything.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:49pm

I know, and none of you fuckers who read this Web site ever, ever argue with me. What’s wrong with you?

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:53pm

and you always have to have the last word.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 7:54pm

Nuhuh.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 7:58pm

yuhuh.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 8:03pm

The person who is right should always get the last word.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 8:04pm

well, of course. that makes absolute sense.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 8:05pm

And we both agree that I’m right, right?

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 8:06pm

definitely.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 8:10pm

Good, I’m glad that’s settled. Now stop making fun of me.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 8:11pm

yes, ma’am.

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 8:21pm

Thank you.

bamboozlde

June 2nd 2008 - 9:11pm

you’re welcome, of course.

UH

June 2nd 2008 - 9:51pm

Both of you, to your rooms!

Jodi

June 2nd 2008 - 9:52pm

He started it!

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 6:51am

did not!

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 9:38am

stop touching me!

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 9:47am

moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom! jodi hit me!

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 9:49am

No one will ever believe you. I am much more of a kicker.

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 9:53am

karate jodi with kung-fu action kick. bring it chica.

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 10:34am

You realize I have a wingspan over six feet, don’t you?

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 10:40am

good thing i live over 300 miles away then!

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 10:42am

You can run but you can’t hide.

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 10:50am

oh, i can run _and_ hide. so there. take that. quid pro quo.

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 10:54am

that’s your second mistake.

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 10:55am

not that i’d have to run and hide because, you know, i’m a boy and you’re a girl which means you’re a doody-headed cootie-brain and neener neener neener.

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 10:56am

This is the internet, I could totally be a dude pretending to be a girl.

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 11:07am

but you’d still be a cootie-head.

Jodi

June 3rd 2008 - 12:32pm

Who you calling cootie-head, you lint-licker?

bamboozlde

June 3rd 2008 - 12:39pm

well… you? doody-headed poopy-pants! doody-headed poopy-pants!

Doug

June 5th 2008 - 1:17am

Batman? Why can’t we get a sheet of nothing but Green Lantern stamps?

Oh crap. I’m sounding like I really mean it, am I not?

It’s fine for the sheet to have both Batman and Green Lantern. Heck, even leave Green Arrow on there.

laurie

June 5th 2008 - 10:44am

I was wondering how that post had 44 comments-now I know! I sometimes get grossed out about the stuf I leave in my bathroom too!

Jodi

June 5th 2008 - 12:46pm

It has 44 comments because BamBam is a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

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