Welcome to the There is no five archives. The posts are listed in chronological order. Click the post title to read more.
So I’m in love. The pathetic kind of love where you pounce on every opportunity to spout about your lover. It’s the kind of love where even if talking about him doesn’t quite fit into the conversation I will wedge his name and what he thinks about something right in there. I know it’s annoying. [...]
I’m taking an Innovative Fiction class at The Loft tomorrow. I’m mostly looking forward to it. Only mostly, because lately I’ve been Lofty McLoftloft. Class last Tuesday, Comicbook and Graphic Novel Conference last weekend*, Class Tuesday, Ben Greenman reading Wednesday*, and now Innovative Fiction. I love The Loft and all, but this is a little [...]
What the shit is women’s fiction? Who’s such a cunt? [it was Courtney Love] I will not RT no matter how much I support the project. Powerpoint is not for human use. She’s reading here tonight? Damn I hate when I don’t know about these things. Oops. McNally Jackson not the same as McNally Smith, [...]
Start out a little shiny because you’re covered in a thin film of sweat which is not your fault really, it’s just that you’re inappropriately dressed and it’s early spring when no business seems to be able to properly adjust the inside temperature Go up to the pharmacy at Target with the little card for [...]
Fake pregnancy announcement Fake marriage announcement Fake a stomach cramp and when I was bent over, moaning and wailing, lick my palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is April Fools’ Day Fake withdrawal from the Internet Embrace the number five with all I’m worth Fake something else. Barf Orange you glad [...]
Almonds on salads Brian K. Vaughn’s Ex Machina series Ignoring I Will Dare like I don’t have anything to say Not turning on the lights until 7:30 Dan Connor Cheese, specifically Gouda lately Interpreting The Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall And John Oates The House of Tomorrow by Peter Bognanni Seth Aaron [...]
Is Jack Kerouac overrated? Yes. I’ve read On the Road three times and still don’t like it. The Dharma Bums was unreadable. Tweedy song about quitting job? Dear Employer How do I lose my virginity to my sister? You don’t, unless you’re locked in the attic by your flaky mom and evil grandmother for like [...]
I. On Sunday I made a creamy cauliflower soup. It involved pureeing and that frightened me. Plus, I had the divide the recipe in half, so there was math that also frightens me. It turned out delightful and silky and it is so good I’m a little sad that I didn’t have anyone to share [...]
My hair is so dirty it hurts. My entire body itches, all of it, even the inside of my nose.
I’m not one to make predictions being that I have such an abysmal record. For instance, “Nobody will ever stop reading the actual newspaper and get their news on the Internet.” Or, “Who wants a phone/calendar/PDA all in one, that’s dumb.” Jodi, the great prognosticator. It’s my penchant for picking the exact opposite of what [...]
This a crabby, bitchy follow-up to How to Succeed in Blogging without Really Trying, and inspired in part by my own ire (I’ve been surfing a lot lately looking for blog topics for work) and this tweet from Barrett. Truncate your RSS Feed. Advertise in your RSS Feed while truncating it. Post only headlines in [...]
Who is the blow job queen in MN? I had no idea there was such a thing. I’m assuming there is some sort of pageant held at like the Radison in Roseville with contestants swapping tips on how to fight the gag reflex. Is confusion caused by not using serial commas? Yes. Oddly enough we [...]
The manager of Tires Plus called me. I missed his call. Why? Because AT&T has a habit of not actually putting through my calls. Ziggy won’t even ring. No missed call notices. Nada. Oh, until like 3 hours after the call was missed. Then, and only then, will I discover two voicemails (sorry FFJ). Also, [...]
Dave Eggers Wilco Weezer Chuck Klosterman
I workshopped my ghost story again last night. The class was pretty evenly split on the whole second person vs. anything but second person and ghost vs. no ghost issue. I’m not sure what to make of that. But I do know my story and I’m keeping the second person and the ghost. For the [...]
MN Reads PW.net
