Yesterday at lunch, my boss told me I had to work on my online portfolio. It is, according to her, my top priority above all other things that I might need to do. I nodded my agreement that it was, in fact, a very important thing to do and told her I’d get right on [...]
Propaganda Creation
15
Jan 08
Applying myself
If I weren’t already losing my job, Jayto, my boss, would totally fire me for slack unbecoming a productive member of society. I had all this homework to do for our Job Hunting 202 class and I didn’t get any of it done. Somehow I am unable to find the precarious balance between hermitude and [...]
10
Jan 08
This afternoon’s heartattack
I can’t even remember how the topic came up, I think that part of my brain went black after the synapses started misfiring. All I remember is hanging out after a meeting and Maria saying, “Let’s see how you show up in Google.”
As Maria’s fingers tapped across the keyboard getting ever closer to my secret, [...]
17
Dec 07
Big fat double F minus
Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who could just post a cryptic song lyric and the emoticon for puzzled and call it a day. But I can never seem to do that when there are all those words out there that I can use. If I were that kind of person I [...]
17
Dec 07
Conversations of the barely employed
I was helping Mary Katherine Gallagher and Dougs with a must be done right this second or we will all die project. This was last week. But then they were finishing it up this morning telling me about the status, blah blah blah.
“I’ll go proof the sticker and the card,” Mary Katherine Gallagher said.
“I’ll [...]
11
Dec 07
They forgot more than I’ll ever know
We gathered in Jayto, my boss’ office, to talk about our futures. Maria and I sat on the couch, The Dougs and Jayto near the desk. They immediately started rattling off job web sites, the ladders, indeed, blah de blah blah, execunet, places I have never even heard of.
They threw around the names of [...]
10
Dec 07
Emotional porn
I have heard tales told that when some people need help getting the mojo rising or the juices flowing they follow their prurient interests to porn. Tonight I needed some help. Not with the bow-chikka-bow-bow, I took care of that yesterday ifyaknowwhatImean. Nope, I needed some emotional porn.
Ever since I found out I was [...]
7
Dec 07
Career suggestions from my well-meaning and totally adorable coworkers
Since we all found out we’re getting the boot, my co-workers have been trying to help me decide on a career course. I love them for their eagerness and helpfulness and complete lack of any idea about the writing and publishing world. Here are the suggestions so far:
Self-published author: “You could just print your book [...]
29
Nov 07
I’m sorry, what was I saying?
The worst part about finding out that I’m losing my job in a few months is that it has caused my ADD to go into hyperdrive. I have to keep apologizing to people while I’m speaking with them because I lose my train of thought mid-sentence. I’m lucky that the only people I’ve spoken with [...]
28
Nov 07
And now this happened
Remember how almost exactly one month ago I got a raise and promotion? Guess who got laid off today? It’s me! It’s me!
15
Nov 07
The rock that cannot be contained
I forgot that I already posted today about Guitar Hero, so this is like double-plus bonus points. Actually I intended for the Guitar Hero to go over there —–>
But I was getting so hopped up on the sound of Welcome to the Jungle pouring forth from the conference rooms that I was kind of in [...]
6
Nov 07
And the award for Favorite Person of the Day goes to, Software Man
This is the third nomination and first win for Software Man. Here’s why:
“Hey are you gonna be here Thursday or Friday?” I asked.
“No I am going to someplace you have already forgotten the name of,” he said.
“Oh, we’re celebrating Al, the cutest girl on earth’s™, 30th birthday,” I said.
“I got her a card already, he [...]
11
Oct 07
Ordering Lunch: A Play in one act
ACT 1
SCENE 1
(int. modern day cube farm. Lit mostly by the glow of computer screens, the two women’s cubes are split by a half wall and a round table. Jodi with headphones around her neck sits with her back to her computer facing Maria who is sitting at the table)
JODI (Crumb, a local sandwich place, [...]
26
Sep 07
Just try a little Wig Wam Bam
Are you wondering what to do when the Canucks piss you off before you have even finished your first cup of coffee?
Here’s what you do, you turn on The Donna’s cover of “Wig Wam Bam” (it’s better than Sweet’s because it contains the words ‘you make me cream in my jeans’ and that’s just [...]
