sometimes when i am extra lonely, i will line up all the spare pillows on your side of the bed and pretend there’s someone there.
i call it your side of the bed, even though there is no one to claim it. it’s just not my side of bed. usually i sleep on my side of [...]

Since half of the sister club is on the great Las Vegas road adventure with mom, sister #3 and I decided it hang out today. It was great gobs of fun and also emotionally exhausting.
It was just the two of us so we felt free with discussing most everyone who wasn’t present. Once that got [...]

for mike:
the year was 1994. i was in the smoky camaraderie. i was drunk, drunk, drunk and begging someone to play the jukebox. kelly stepped up to the plate and threw in some money. he had only one request. . . we had to play at least one replacements song. i crinkled my nose at [...]

i got a reprieve from the last night of bowling to help my mom pack. only i didn’t do so much packing as i did watching sitcom reruns of friends and roseanne. my punshiment, i had to buy her dinner. not that i really minded since she bought me dinner last night.
i let her pick. [...]

we sat at the table nestled underneath the bulletin board and next to the pepsi machine.
i was trying to enter in all the bowling tournament scores while sister #2 and her husband bowled in the tournament. try as i did, i wasn’t too successful. jaycie and max insisted on helping me. we spent about 25 [...]

yeah, so super responsible adult girl died a not-so-painful death tonight. i dunno what it was. maybe it was the book. maybe it was the sinful decadence of eating a chocolate covered chocolate whilst lying in a sea of red flannel. maybe she impaled herself on my vibrator. regardless, she has been replaced my regular [...]

andrea posted an assignment to think about the nicest things ever said to you. i think i’ve written about this before. but here it goes:
my final semester in college on of my favorite professors, John Ullmann, gave us an assignment. we had to interview him for this fake story and it was video taped. then [...]

We were that penny family.
Yes, it’s with great shame that I admit this. You know that family, the one that gave out pennies on Halloween. Yes, you were hoping for a king-size kit Kat or even a little mini kit-Kat and instead you got a few pennies. We always hated those houses. But one year, [...]

My parents spent most of the summer painting and remodeling the bowling alley. Yes, my parents own a bowling alley. Well, they don’t technically own it. The city of Savage owns it. My parents lease it for $1 a year.
See, the city wants the land the bowling alley is on. But they don’t want it [...]

aunt anna: so what does cathy (her youngest sister, my white-trash aunt who lives with my parents) do on the interent?
sister #4: she looks at porn.
aunt anna: ha! no really.
sister #4: really, i am not kidding.
aunt anna: are you sure?
sister #4: really, i am not kidding.
me: you want me to check?
anna: you can do that?
me: [...]

tonight i was just typing away. being my merry old self when out popped a revelation, i didn’t intend to make. it’s one of those revelations that makes your throat ache and snot start immediately flowing from your nose. you know, the kind that leads to unending tears and a sobbing fit that leaves you [...]

one of my friends is having surgery next week. it reminded me of the one time in my life when i had surgery. for some reason i keep coming back to that memory today. you know, besides when i relayed the story to my friend. the memory of having surgery keeps popping up in my [...]

i’ve made a big decision in my life. it wasn’t easy and it’s tough for me to admit this. it goes against most everything i have been saying for months and months. . . yes, tonight i have come to the conclusion and must confess that i find Hi-C fruit punch much better than [...]

“this is the prior lake police department,” the voice on the other end of the line said when the phone rang at 4:30 this morning.
funny how your body goes on auto-pilot when the phone rings so late/early in the morning. the phone rang and my voice sounded oddly coherent for being awakened from a dead [...]

i am enamoured with my mid-section.
not because it’s fit and hard and all six-packy. nope, i am enamoured with my mid-section because it’s so deliciously, wonderfully brown. mmm, i am the poster child for melanoma. but it’s so pretty. the color is great. when i get tan, i look like burnt sienna. burnt sienna is [...]