There’s a enormous pine tree across the street from Supergenius HQ. The lowest branches of the tree are about a foot and a half off the ground. Hanging by a thread, literally, from one of the bottom branches is a dead bird. It’s been there since Monday.
I am not sure how the bird got tangled [...]

Jaycie and Max are making me lunch. I think we’re playing some sort of restaurant game. Jaycie took my order on a notebook and Max proclaimed himself chef. This is probably not one of my better ideas, playing along with this. I suspect the mess in the kitchen will not be worth the “fun” we’re [...]

For the next two weeks, I’ll be babysitting Jaycie (10) and Max (9) during the week. It’s going to be a bit of an adjustment. First of all, I have to get up at some sixish in the a.m. which is some kind of nonsense. And then there’s the whole spending 45 hours a week [...]

“I learned about human growth and development,” Jaycie said at 7:20 this morning, a mere five minutes after she arrived.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It means getting my. . . ” she started in her normal voice and then suddenly dropped down to a whisper., “period.”
“Oh,” I said.” “I didn’t realize they had a new name for [...]

Ten-year-old Princess Jaycie has decided she’s a playwright. She and her BFF Katie are working on a play. Jaycie sends me new versions of it about every other day. Because I’ve been totally OCD about working on my portfolio, I haven’t read any of the versions of the play.
This has displeased the princess. I came [...]

“I can’t believe I have the Bill of Rights.”

So Princess Jaycie’s friends have discovered the magic of Google and how you can type in your friends’ names and find out stuff about them. They have also discovered that when you type in Jaycie and press enter you can get to iwilldare.com in no time flat. Also, Jaycie’s Aunt Jodi, she swears.
According to Sister [...]

The Sister Club (sans Sister #3) journeyed to the great wild lands to the north (Blaine) to attend a Pampered Chef party. Yeah. I hate these kinds of parties — all of them. I promise you, all my female friends, I will never host any kind of party like that ever.
Since The Stink had [...]

Now that Stink has embarked on his senior year of college and Sister #2 often has to social work on the weekend, I’ll be spending a lot of Saturday afternoons with Jaycie and Max.
It’s gonna be so rad. I recently discovered that little kids love money, and they love it so much that they will [...]

Jaycie, age 9, on naming their new kitten

We were in Ruby racing to the movie theater listening to Velveeta Love 105.7 when a commercial advertising an upcoming concert comes on.
“What did they just say?” Jaycie asked.
“Moody Blues,” I shouted. We both had our windows all the way down.
“What?”
“Moody Blues,” I shouted again.
“Really?”
“Yes. MoooooDEE Blues.”
“Oh,” she started to laugh. “I thought they said [...]

Jaycie, Max, and I are about to venture out to see “Shrek the Third.” The little kid excitement is at an all-time high here at Supergenius HQ. Since they arrived at 11:10 they have asked roughly 38 times when we’re going to the 12 o’clock movie. They’re very worried about not getting a seat.
But [...]

Because torturing Max about Sweet Caroline never gets old, Jaycie and I listened to two songs on repeat as we tooled about town — Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” and Elvis Costello’s “Veronica.”
After about two listens a piece, Jaycie turned to me. “Which song do you like better?”
“Veronica,” I said.
“Huh.” She pushed up her glasses and [...]

Jaycie and Max were perched at the bar at the bowling alley. It was about 9:30 in the morning. The Stink was keeping score for the Sloppy Joe Bowling Tournament, and I was feeding the kidlings blueberry muffins.
“Do you have canine teeth?” Max asked me.
“Sure I do.” I bared my teeth at him and pointed [...]

When Sister #2 announced to the kidlings that they were going to attend a Superbowl party Max immediately rebelled and begged to go to Aunt Jodi’s, because he knew I wouldn’t be watching the Superbowl.
As soon as he walked in the door I warned him that we would be watching the halftime show.
“Why?” He [...]