Dear Morrissey,
I have decided that I am making it my life’s mission to insure that you never, ever get what you want this time or anytime. This is a light that should have gone out. I don’t even like you and here you are in my head for the last two or three days. [...]

Dear People of the Internet,
Hi, how are you? Things are going pretty well here at Supergenius HQ. I spent a lot of time working on a writing project, it involved notecards and the sinking suspicion that I had lost one of my stories. No worries though, I found it.
Anyway People of the Internet, I [...]

Dear God/Goddess/Higher Power/Holder of the Infinite Wisdom,
Not only is it bad enough that I know that Kenny Loggins has a son, but now suddenly I care about him. What the hell is wrong with me? Please give me the power to learn to change the channel. My brain will thank you.
Love,
Jodi

Dear Stomach,
You are killing me. Seriously, knock it the fuck off. You’re a total buzzkill.
Love,
Jodi

Dear VH1 Classics,
I would just like to thank you for airing all seven episodes of the 7 Ages of Rock today. This was easily the best thing that could have happened to me today. See, VH1 Classics, I had to clean the entirety of Supergenius HQ today because in roughly 18 hours my family is [...]

Dear iwilldare.com readers from 2002,
I am sorry. All I ever wrote about was going to meetings. You should have punched me in the throat.
Please forgive me,
Jodi

Dear Nablmo,
I am totally back-dating this entry. It’s actually 12:40 and aside from talking about that Bob Dylan cover I did not blog today. Oh no! Surely the world will end.
But you know what Nablmo, I am sure you will understand. My family is in total chaos. There are two separate factions and I am [...]

Dear Mike Doughty,
I’m sorry. You probably noticed that the vibe was off at the Bryant Lake Bowl tonight. It’s because I was not there and you were missing my patented Make Sweet Sweet Love to Me Vibe™.
Sorry Mike, I didn’t mean to bail on you at the last minute. But, well, I’ve been sick since [...]

Dear Internet,
What in the hell is my problem? I just got into an e-fight with someone I’ve never met over Apple computers. Now I’m so mad my heart is racing and I’m projectile crying because something has to shoot from my body because all the pent-up, steamy anger is going to make explode if something [...]

Dear Jodi,
It’s your fault, stupid. You were kind of cold and a little droopy-eyed and you wanted to be alert for tonight’s writing workshop. So what did you do? You ordered that cup of hot, delicious coffee before class.
COFFEE AT 4:30 P.M.? Are you new? Your battles with me, sleep, are legendary. Have you [...]

Dear World of Music Listeners,
What new music are you listening to that gets your heart all racy and your ears excited? My ears are bored with everything I like.
Thanks,
The Mgmt.

Passive-aggressive notes (my favorite: that shit is disrespectful). [via]

Dear 6:30 a.m.,
It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry 6:30 a.m. I know I must have looked quite delectable this morning with the nice buttery sheet wrapped around me, all peaceful and sleeping. The birds were chirping and the sky was overcast. And that gentle breeze coming through the open window? That was awesome. So [...]

As I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, toothbrush in hand, I started thinking about my 17-year-old self. Actually before that, I was thinking about Sister #2’s 17-year-old self.
Sister #2 used to be a punk-rock girl with a shaved head and skatepunk boyfriend. She generally eschewed anything ‘mainstream’ or with the air of sell-out [...]

Dear World,
When you say, “Gee you look tired.” That is not what I hear. What I hear is:
“You look like so much stink that I can actually see the stink lines emanating from your stinky, stinky body. You are not pretty. In fact you are generally ugly and you should try to get some beauty [...]