1986: dressed in pajamas parked in front of MTV shoveling trix into my mouth
2005: dressed in pajamas parked in front of VH1 Alternative shoveling trix into my mouth
1986: hope they play that glass tiger video because they are my all time favorite band
2005: hope they play that replacements video because they are my all time [...]

it had to be sometime in late 1995, if my memory can be trusted. if i were at home i could go check the student newspapers i have in the garage. they’d tell me the exact date. but i’m pretty sure it was winter.
the BoDeans’ concert was in Zorn arena, where the basketball games [...]

the cookie/vagina/sex connection continues to wreck havoc on my psyche and in my life. i was just reading a comment by ‘the cookie monster’ when it all came flooding back to me, my college nickname. the horror!
when i was in college i got myself the nickname cookie chromey. because my friend meathead johnson thought it [...]

ok, so here’s the first book i ever wrote. it’s complete and unabridged for your reading pleasure.
also, you can find out why i never had a single date in high school. i am sure you will find it quite enlightening.
and just wait, there’s more!

about 1000 years ago (the last time i cleaned my closets) i made a post about cleaning the closets (and apparently i make a lot of damn posts about closets, because i can’t find the damn thing. anyway, the NBFB told me to block off a day for each closet. i scoffed at his advice. [...]

here’s what it says:
When it comes to socializing, you wrote the book. You bring out the best in everyone by making them feel interesting, chatty and witty. Needless to say, you’re also well loved — and you’re due to hear all about it.
so get to it already. because i’m so lonely and sad that it’s [...]

last night, while listening to P.Y.T. by michael jackson and sweating blood over my craptastic writing, i reached for a tub of lip spooj. i have a tendency to chew on my lips when thinking really hard, leaving my mouth dry and cracky and wholly unkissable.
so i groped about my desk looking for some [...]

henceforth the sucky ass situation that i really should talk about will be refered to as That Problem of Which I Cannot Speak (TPoWICS), got it? it brought me down quite a bit today, but i think i am rebounding nicely.
as my beloved FFJ says, change is always good. scary, but good. TPoIWCS is [...]

it’s been quite sometime since i’ve written something that can reduce me to tears. today, i wrote about what it’s like to be an ugly 8th grader. i put it on bittersweetheart.com, because it’s not something i want to see here when i come to iwilldare.com. i thought about just writing it and ignoring it, [...]

on the way to work this morning, i heard Madness’ “Our House.” i love that song with a passion. it always reminds me of growing up in the house on 121st Ave in Blaine. After the wedding on saturday, i made sister #3 drive past the house for old time’s sake. it looks so small [...]

in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don’t ever shine. i would shiver the whole night through. . .
whenever i think of nirvana, i think of that song, the one kurt cobain didn’t even write. for me that’s nirvana. and when i hear that song, i see crazy tony in the middle [...]

i don’t think there will ever be a time in my life when i hear the song “kodachrome” and not think of jason kniezler. jason played the trombone and sat behind my alto sax playing self in 8th grade band. we also had to learn “kodachrome.” jason thought it was about the funniest thing ever, [...]

apparently he wasn’t a talking piece of cheese. he was some sort of cross between a lemon and pacman, and i had totally spaced that Timer (his name) showed us how to turn juice into popsicles using an ice-cube tray and some toothpicks.
still scary as hell though.

is 10:44 a.m. too early in the morning for hot dogs? because i have a hankering for a hunk of a hot dog.
do you remember that saturday morning cartoony psa/commercial for cheese? with the cheese dressed up as a cowboy talking about having a hankering for a hunk of cheese? you know it was [...]

Today I have the opportunity to tell you what I know about AIDS, how it’s affected my life. I could tell you stories that would make you cry, but I don’t want to.
I could tell you about the time Kristen told me she had been exposed and was getting tested. I could tell you how [...]