Tooling around this morning running errands collecting the stuff that is vital to my well-being: a new coffee maker (mine gave up the ghost in a most inglorious display yesterday), the biggest bottle of gin I could find, and limes, I spotted a most curious bumper sticker.
Sitting at a red light behind a shiny, blue [...]

In honor of Labor Day, I had vowed to do as little labor as possible. Of course, Sister #4 totally rained on everyone’s parade by deciding that she simply had to put together the bed she went to Idaho to fetch last week.
Oh, let’s talk about the bed. This was a bed she bought last [...]

Each morning as I approach the gates of Hell, Inc. I have to do a drunken bob and weave up the sidewalk to avoid getting scratched by the delightful crabapple trees that line the walk.
I don’t bat the low-hanging branches away from my face, because it just seems really angry. And, hell, I am [...]

I hate turning on the air conditioner and usually wait until the last possible egg-frying-on-the-sidewalk minute to turn it on. It seems that once you turn on the air, you don’t turn it off until about September.
As summer creeps ever closer and the temperature grows higher, the battle gets bloodier. Seriously, I am not [...]

I had a brief flirtation with hippiedom in my college years. But then I realized I was made of bitterness and spite (and everything nice) and unable to convince anyone that I was all full of that peace, love and understanding nonsense. I was born to be opinionated, sassy, and judgmental.
So, Hippiefest was my [...]

It’s nearly 11 a.m. and I’ve already eaten half the lunch I brought to work. It’s all Sister #4’s fault.
She’s finished working and is spending the week getting ready for the big move to Udaho (6 days!). This means she’s at home in the morning before I go to work, and this is seriously fucking [...]

I’ve decided to live my life today as though I were the precocious star of a well-loved children’s book. That means every obstacle I face, no matter how minor, will be a huge ordeal. It also means that all my problems will be solved by the time I rest my tired head on my pillow [...]

seamus returned today from whatever far-flung destination we sent him to this week. it was an overnighter, so i assume it wasn’t some place too far away.
he grabbed the container of sin and asked, “why is there any of this goodness left? what is wrong with you?”
maria and i were speechless. why was their any [...]

when i woke up this morning i decided that instead of cleaning my apartment, i’d go buy some more junk to put into the already messy, cluttered hellhole i call home.
so i called up sister #4 and asked her if she’d like to accompany me to IKEA. it was a good time. she got a [...]

first of all, i TOTALLY NEED THIS for my birthday which is in tweleve days!
second of all, my sinuses are still in revolt and pissing me off. my totally rad boss told me to go home. even from canada he can tell i’m sick.
third of all, i will be going home. but not until after [...]

maria looked up at me, her eyes filled with terror.
“uh, how tall are you?” she asked, her voice trembling a bit.
“six-foot-five,” i said.
“oh, well most dresses aren’t made for women over six-feet tall,” she said.
“OH,” the entire sister club shouted. “she doesn’t need a dress.”
maria sighed.
“good, that opens up your selection quite a bit.”
that seemed [...]

when we last left bridezilla and supergenius, they were dueling it out over the tacky invitations. well sunday, right before the oscars, the invitation issue reared it’s ugly head.
“we picked out an invitation,” bridezilla said. i, the supergenius, smiled wanly and repeated to herself the sage advice given to me by sister #3 during the [...]

when we last left, bridezilla and supergenius had just finished the battle heretofore known as The Ostentatious Display of Attendants. supergenius left stunned and defeated, but all was not lost because a mere two weeks later bridezilla (aka sister #4) had caved in to the supergenius relentless pleas to be only an usher in bridezilla’s [...]

tonight i got to play grumpy tech support person for sister #3. seems her computer was knocked up by some sort of something that caused it to produce copious amounts of annoying pop-up windows advertising gay porn. since i am a good sister and since i’m going to need an oil change in about a [...]

so i’m just sitting here, reading through old archives, because i find myself amusing and am under some bizarre misconception that i might be able to bore myself back to sleep and i keep getting attacked by this random ladybug.
perhaps you don’t know but we here in the upper midwest are suffering through a plague [...]