So I made it as far as putting all the fiction away. This was the coffee table before, and now there’s only four books on there, all which have to go upstairs to the Fortress of Solitude. I have, however, been totally waylaid in my effort to put all the books away. While trolling through [...]

I often lament my complete lack of personal goals. I feel like I should have some sort of goal, you know a place I see myself in 5 or 10 years. But I have none. Short-term, long-term, no-term, I got no goals.
Until now.
This weekend I decided to set a few goals for these two days.
1. [...]

Most normal people would think that if the owner of the home you’re staying in had done nothing but vomit for the past five hours, it might not be such a good idea to have friends over to stay the night.
Clearly, Sister #4 is not normal.
I pity the fool who is going to be staying [...]

A few months ago I was sitting at Grumpy’s with Kelly, Mike, and Vodo. The Vodo and I were talking about being relatively new homeowners.
“How do you afford a house all by yourself? Vodo asked.
And before I could even think about an answer, all the sarcasm cells in my body rallied and said “Because I’m [...]

Usually at this time in the morning, I’m dreamily pressing snooze for the second time, or stumbling naked to my desk to write down the Post-it Note Song of the Day (Heaven is for Easy Girls for the second day in a row). But today I had to spring from bed the moment the alarm [...]

It’s not even 11 o’clock and I have the overwhelming desire to curl up next to the dishwasher and fall asleep. I choose the dishwasher only because it’s currently washing, and well I’m proud of myself for that. I hosted bookclub tonight and had the dishes all picked up and in the dishwasher before Sister [...]

Both Paco and Madison were curled up sorta trying to sleep, when I was suddenly moved by the spirit and burst into a very loud and passionate rendition of Pearl Jam’s “Daughter.” At the same time they lifted their sleepy, fuzzy heads from their paws to look at me, blinked their eyes and stared until [...]

Late yesterday afternoon I decided that Bison Brown was not the proper color for my diningroom table and instead it was supposed to be Jet Stealth. So I spent yesterday repainting the table, which was all well and good. But this morning when I came down, motherfucking pawprints on my table. fucking cats.

As I was pulling out of the Home Depot parking lot with my FREE quart of glossy Bison Brown paint, I actually shivered with glee. I don’t have to work until next Tuesday. I have all this time and a house all to myself. I’m so excited I don’t even know what to do with [...]

I’ve been a bit on the goofy side of giddy today. First, Kelly e-mailed me to tell me that the Fall classes are up at The Loft. We then nerded out a bit about how excited we are that class is starting soon.
And because my homeowner-nerdiness refuses to be out done by my literary-nerdiness, I [...]

Paul Westerberg’s “Man Without Ties” just came on Kathleen Turner Overdrive. It’s a cute little song about a single guy who can’t cook and has no job, no wife, and no ties.
Man without ties don’t dress for dinner
It’s a friday night frozen pizza thing
Don’t want no wife or no beginner
Friday frozen pizza king
In my [...]

So I’m wondering what color to paint the master bedroom. So uh, what color is your bedroom? Why did you choose that color?

My new favorite thing? To pretend to be the voice of Paco and say things like “I can’t wait until you move, you whore” to Sister #4. She laughs, I laugh, Paco’s none the wiser.
We all win.
(19 more days).

Me (singing along to the Fruit of the Loom commercial): Daddy wears his t-shirt in the cold Kentucky rain
While a boy in pure white briefs looks out a foggy window pain
And even though his hamster died he finds comfort in this I swear
Because you can’t over love your underwear
Sister #4:
Me: You think D will sing [...]

The Fortress of Solitude is not quite complete. Hell, it’s barely close to complete. In the bright light of yesterday’s morning, I noticed the walls looked less like an Antique Photograph and more like a school picture where someone had wet the corner by licking their finger and then scratched the year in the emulsion [...]