“those who laugh loud also cry hard,” i said, reading from the fortune i had just slipped out of my cookie.
“ha!” the minion said. “often one right after the other, repeatedly throughout the day.”
then we went on to talk about how i hate baby boomers and she hates hippies.

the minion on interpreting the dream she had last night:
“i think freud would say that i’m not cut out for marriage, or penises and i turn into a strange, arid-climate mammal when approached by either one.”

i’m a little excited by the upcoming christmas break. i get to take an entire ELEVEN DAYS IN A ROW off from Hell, Inc. ELEVEN! it’s going to give me some kinda good practice for unemployment. i can’t hardly wait.
of course i am focusing all my attention on the upcoming break and totally ignoring my [...]

1. every 20something boy who works at caribou coffee. i just love them coffeeboys.
2. the way that tri-kap, a coworker, calls me the evil overlord.
3. the fact that artguy is not bugging the shit out of me today.
4. Maile Meloy.
5. i do believe, that there is no five.
6. how the minion had to try to [...]

after consulting with the minion and the artguy about my sudden illness and all its symptoms, we have come to the conclusion that it can be nothing but the plague. the minion said she was so sick for three days last week that she was pretty sure she was dying. i can’t hardly wait.
i told [...]

when you’re up at 4:30 and have four cups (well according to the coffee maker it was four cups, according to my full cups it was two) of coffee by 6:54, something happens. i’m not sure what that is, because i totally lost my train of thought here. so far, i’ve gotten two concepts done [...]

pros:
- everytime al comes over and i’m listening quite loudly to self she says, “hey is this self?” while bobbing her head
- the artguy lets me tease him relentlessly about being old
- the minion doesn’t mind that i’m so bitter
- i have coworkers that laugh and laugh and laugh until they cry about the dysfunction [...]

so yes, the day started out super great with a giant hug from my favorite frat boy, and even though the office politics encroached, when you get a hug first thing in the morning, not too many things can bring you down.
plus, the whole day just ended wonderfully. sometimes i forgot just how much fun [...]

yesterday was a trying day at work, filled with last minute hooha and copywriting emergencies. i never knew there could be a copywriting emergency until i became a copywhore. there are two kinds of emergencies in copywhoreland. the first kind is legitimate, “oh my god we totally spaced telling you about this and then [...]

“if i worked here, i’d have more attitude,” the minion said.
“what you’d be a real riot grrrrrrrrrllll,” the artguy said, sort of growling that grrrll part.
“yeah. don’t ever say that again,” she said.
“i bought siddhartha the other day, because my inner sensibilities need some fucking peace soon.”
“don’t writer’s usually get out of this business by [...]

the minion is working on some stuff with a few of our users. since she’s only a freelancer she’s kind of leery of making any decisions. of course, since i think she’s the best thing since sliced bread, i encourage her to make decisions all the time. i trust her, she’s good.
witness an e-mail [...]

as some of you may or may not know, when swanky sara the cell phone rings most obnoxiously, the theme song from “Inspector Gadget” can be heard calling forth from her shiny blue body. yes, my cell phone ring is the most annoying thing on earth, but then so are cell phones so i don’t [...]

clearly all the fun eye contact has sent my eyes into some sort of weird downward spiral of sorts. there’s an odd cloud floating over my left eye. i can’t seem to get rid of it. i have, of course, decided it’s glaucoma. what’s odd is i didn’t have the glaucoma when i left for [...]

“did you start using some new hair product or something?” the artguy asked standing outside my cube.
“i didn’t even wash my hair, why?”
“well, i came around the corner and i was pummeled with the scent of new hair product.”
“thanks for assuming it’s me,” i said. “it could be the minion.”
“i’m not a stinky minion,” she [...]

have i mentioned lately how much i love the minion? i didn’t think so. well, i do. because she just gets it and she was talking about how the song “what a wonderful world” always gets her, and then as soon as the song is over she goes back to hating everybody. she’s as misanthropic [...]