1. It might take me an entire day but I am capable of watching a four-hour documentary about Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.
2. If you gave me $25 right now I probably couldn’t name more than six Tom Petty songs. However, I managed to sing along to every song included in this damn movie.
3. After [...]

Today was so busy that I almost forgot to watch the State of the Union. Thankfully, Sister #2 reminded me that it was on. In case you too were busy here’s what you missed.

Ted Kennedy napped through the entire thing, sitting next to his BFF Barack
Bush and Cheney showed their support of photography and the [...]

1. That I turned off CNN’s post-debate debrief in favor of
2. An old episode of Who’s the Boss (I’m actually working on my online portfolio, so I’m doing something productive and just needed background noise) where I immediately
3. Recognized Sam’s date for the dance as Ralphie from A Christmas Story, and at the dance
4. They [...]

1. Discovering a half-full bag of dark chocolate M&Ms leftover from Christmas in the cupboard.
2. Bret Michaels on Conan O’Brien.

1. Herownself/myownself — One of Miranda July’s characters used this in a short story and I’ve been saying it to myownself for three days.
2. B.S. as opposed to bullshit.
3. Befuddled/puzzled.
4. FFFFFFuuuuuucccckkkk that/this/him/her/it/you/me — usually sung with a drawn out U-sound that goes up a few notes on the K.

1. I am turning into an alien. I have a dry, scaly patch on the back of my neck. I can’t quite see it with a mirror but I’m pretty sure it’s green and purple, because I saw it on V once.
2. John Updike is old and boring and writes old and boring short [...]

# of Dawson’s Creeks watched: 3
# of rooms cleaned: 0
# of potential freelance gigs lined up: 1
# of presents wrapped: All of them
Hey remember when wrapping paper used to be opaque and you couldn’t see through it? I miss those days.

In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, I offer up a follow up this list of career suggestions. These are the plans I have come up with for my future and shared with my coworkers that have caused them to bark with laughter:

Art School: Apparently, according to Maria, art students don’t have mortgages.
Fiction Writer: [...]

Superman with Slam and Bam wall
Extreme Power Batman
A remote control robot

My nephews are going to think I am the best aunt ever.

Since we all found out we’re getting the boot, my co-workers have been trying to help me decide on a career course. I love them for their eagerness and helpfulness and complete lack of any idea about the writing and publishing world. Here are the suggestions so far:

Self-published author: “You could just print your book [...]

In a comment earlier today Shokku reminded me that I should remember to see things with my child’s heart. And while I appreciate the sentiment, I have to say life has gotten much better since I started engaging my brain in, well, thought. I was not the most logical kid/teenager ever. To wit, a list [...]

When the dude in “Da Butt” sings “come on, gimme that butt, gimme that butt” is it just a really unsubtle way of begging for anal sex?

Are Clarence Clemons and Jackson Browne really friends? Are we supposed to believe Darryl Hannah is really singing backup? Does the line “I’m the one who always makes you [...]

One movie I always forget that I really love: That Thing You Do.
One annoyance: That I’ve been kind of brain dead lately and haven’t written dick to save my life — at all. So instead I make silly lists because of my love/hate relationship with Nablmo.
One ass that needs to me kicked: TBS’s. They keep [...]

I will always cry during the Sex in the City episode where Miranda’s mom dies.
I won’t bore you with talk of my sudden, insatiable craving for hot dogs (the foodstuffs not the phallustuffs).
After two more days, I don’t have to work for about 38 days in row. Okay, it’s really only 10, but it will [...]

My new postal worker crush (not be confused with my old postal worker crush)
The Supergenius’ battle with Alice Munro
I Just Want The Girl In The Blue Dress To Keep On Dancing
How phony I feel today
There is no five

My unending gratitude at the kindness and thoughtfulness of internet strangers