Hi. I have a short story due (for the class that I love so much that if I had a penis I would sport wood from 6-8 every Wednesday) this week, which makes this an official Go Fuck Yourself (GFY) week. Yay!
GFY week started a few years ago when I was cranky and stressed [...]
Posts Tagged: weirdo
5
Oct 09
Welcome to GFY week where there’s much to do & procrastination is king
23
Jul 09
A physical reaction to art
Every Wednesday night during the summer, I like to sit in my La-Z-Grrl, watch TV, and cry. Wednesday is So You Think You Can Dance night. While NYC Prep might be a guilty pleasure, SYTYCD is nothing but pure joy.
For the uninitiated it’s an American Idolesque show with dancing, and it is amazing. I’ve never [...]
5
Mar 09
Arguments I sometimes have with myself that totally bum me out
Sometimes when I am idly surfing the web or pondering the next sentence to write and Liz Phair or Lucinda Williams shuffles up on Evangeline I start arguing with myself. It usually goes like this.
“If I could be any rockstar on the planet, I would totally be Lucinda Williams,” I say.
“Right on, right on,” Myself [...]
23
Feb 09
I dare say Pride & Prejudice shall be a pain in my ass
For the few weeks or so I’ve been listening to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed at night. It’s a nice way to bookend the day, plus it gives me a chance to catch up on the backlog of audiobooks that I downloaded [...]
6
Feb 09
The philatelist
When I was a kid I was something of a sticker collector. It was a required activity for all girls who attended University Avenue Elementary School in Blaine. I was a big fan of Lisa Frank and anything that might have included a glittering unicorn.
While many of the girls in Mr. Naegle’s 5th grade [...]
6
Feb 09
Rex Sorgatz’s notebook
Here is an e-mail I sent to Christa last night:
I had a dream about you last night.
All I remember is that for some reason you and I had discovered Rex Sorgatz’s notebook. We took it to my parents’ house and hid it. Then you and Barrett went to the grocery store to stock up on [...]
30
Oct 08
Hello Gideon, goodbye Jed
I will not tell you how much time I spent chatting with Wolfdogg this morning about computer names. I will also not tell you how many times I said fuck, fuck, motherfuckfuck while trying to get Gideon to connect to Phinneaus, my wireless network.
Let me tell you this, the new Macbook might be slick [...]
28
Sep 08
The pain of quitting cold turkey
A few weeks ago I talked about cutting back on my cable bill. When I made the cut I thought I’d just be cutting back on the Dawson’s Creek but I was wrong. I was cutting it out completely. Ouch.
There are no words to describe this hole in my life, no, in my very soul. [...]
9
Sep 08
How the five a.m. monster made me reveal too much to the lady in the goldfish shirt
It sounded like a very large creature wheezing its last breaths, rather loudly, somewhere in the vicinity of my bedroom. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it made me sit bolt upright in bed, wide awake in terror. I groped around for my glasses so I could hear the monster better and figure out [...]
7
Sep 08
Two mistakes on a Sunday, one of which is the faults of Republicans
My first mistake was sitting down this afternoon with volumes one through four of Y the Last Man. I did not move until my stomach started to rumble at six o’clock. I tore through three of the four books. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if I hadn’t spent half of Friday and half [...]
3
Sep 08
How I became a Democrat at the age of 8
My interest in politics started at the tender ago of eight, brought about by the Harbinger of Doom who wore pink ribbons in her blonde pigtails.
In 1980 I was in Mrs. Clark’s third grade class at University Avenue elementary in Coon Rapids, Minnesota. So was Kari Christ, aka the Harbinger of Doom. I don’t [...]
24
Aug 08
Maybe it’s because I can’t wiggle my nose without looking like I’m having a seizure
When I was younger and had to clean my room I would fold my arms and blink like Jeannie hoping my room would be cleaned through genie-like magic. When that didn’t work, I’d try the Samantha nose-wiggle. When that didn’t work, I’d get yelled at for sitting around when I was supposed to be cleaning [...]
13
Aug 08
Things I pulled out of the left side of the La-Z-Grrl while looking for my favorite cans
First of all, I found Eurydice, my iPod, in the Kleenex box. My passport drive and USB jump drive were in there too. I was puzzled for about sixty-seven seconds when I remembered that some creepy white minivan piloted by a cigarette smoking man, drove up and down my “street” the other night.
I don’t [...]
12
Aug 08
Things I do that if I were my own nagging spouse I would totally give me head for doing
When we last off I was my own nagging spouse, and now a list of things I would totally give myself head for if I were my own nagging spouse:
Making sure the washer, dryer, and dishwasher are empty waiting for their next load of things to do
Chopping up all the vegetables as soon as I [...]
24
Jul 08
One of my many problems with the time-space continuum
Here’s the thing with Thursdays, I often think they are Fridays. This is why my garbage bin is currently heaped to overflowing and the recycle bin runneth over. This is why I am sitting in my pajamas at nearly 1 p.m. This is why I often never really know what day it is. It’s because [...]
