1:40 pm, 11.Apr.08 · 3 Comments

I often make jokes that the female equivalent to Paul Westerberg’s “Man Without Ties” is “Woman without Bras.” Sure it doesn’t have that nice double meaning, but well, it’s not my fault that bra doesn’t have another meaning.

Anyway this afternoon as I was pulling my frozen-pizza lunch from the oven, I started laughing at myself [...]

1:03 am, 21.Feb.08 · 1 Comment

When we last left our intrepid interspecies lovers, they were enjoying a lot of togetherness nestled on the bedside table. Since then their love has grown. Now Madison has decided he is in charge of Pinguino’s well-being.
His new trick is to monitor the water that fills Pinguino’s belly. When Madison has determined that the level [...]

8:22 pm, 23.Jan.08 · 3 Comments

Madison is in love. Because he is a cat named after the best dead president, I thought his loves would always be of a more intellectual nature. Like that time he fell in love with Kissing in Manhattan.
But now that I’ve seen Madison with Pinguino, I know that the Kissing in Manhattan incident was [...]

11:50 am, 21.Jan.08 · 3 Comments

Maria and I like to keep up a steady patter of absolute nonsense during the day when we’re not particularly busy. Today, I decided to bitch about the local news. Local news generally gives me an aneurysm in the parts of my brain I still haven’t managed to unwash thanks to five years of journalism [...]

4:57 pm, 16.Jan.08 · 2 Comments

1. Herownself/myownself — One of Miranda July’s characters used this in a short story and I’ve been saying it to myownself for three days.
2. B.S. as opposed to bullshit.
3. Befuddled/puzzled.
4. FFFFFFuuuuuucccckkkk that/this/him/her/it/you/me — usually sung with a drawn out U-sound that goes up a few notes on the K.

12:43 pm, 06.Jan.08 · 3 Comments

I woke up in the early pre-dawn morning to find my left hand firmly wrapped around a penis. Huh, I thought to my half-asleep, half-awake self, I don’t remember that being here when I went to bed. For a moment I fell back to sleep only to dream about Liv Tyler in my bed, and [...]

11:18 pm, 13.Dec.07 · 9 Comments

Today I had lunch with my all-time favorite former co-worker ever, Jess. It has come to my attention that the moment you find out you’re losing your job you become someone who lunches. I believe they call it “networking” in the grownup world. It’s weird. I’ve gone out for lunch more in the past three [...]

1:02 am, 13.Nov.07 · 1 Comment

Sometimes I read my horoscope for the day and tell it fuck off.

8:29 am, 30.Oct.07 · 4 Comments

WARNING: This is rated R for crassness and sacrilegiousness.
So yeah, the dream. Dude, I think I might need to seek some help. Last night I dreamt I was some sort of odd medium who had to rid a house of ghost.
How did I do this? By walking around the house sans pants with a [...]

7:25 pm, 29.Oct.07 · 2 Comments

Hearing how Guttenberg came up with the terms uppercase and lowercase in reference to letters while watching The Writing Code on PBS.

12:12 am, 28.Oct.07 · No Comments

Why I watched an infomercial about The Midnight Special and I rather enjoyed it. Really.

10:01 am, 23.Oct.07 · 11 Comments

First I dream about Jason Kottke, and then last night I dreamt (dreamed? both look wrong) that after sitting on my front stoop watching giant spiders trap and eat giant flies, I was late for feng-shuing Aaron’s office. Nevermind that I know nothing about either.

9:41 am, 23.Oct.07 · No Comments

It’s like they’ve never seen a grown woman dunk her Pop Tart in a cup of coffee before.

5:59 pm, 22.Oct.07 · 2 Comments

“I need a new check card.”
“Was your card lost or stolen?” The friendly US Bank customer service rep said.
“No.”
“. . . ”
“See I got a new one because the old one expires next month.”
“The new one was sent to your house?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I, uh, accidentally cut it up and threw it away.”
Much [...]

1:17 pm, 08.Oct.07 · No Comments

I just have to tell someone that my right butt cheek is spasming in a weird way. Though I suppose there’s no unweird way for a butt cheek to spasm.